Hi Sis Noe
I AM in love with some guy but now I think he is avoiding me because when I call he diverts my calls to his young sister’s number, please help, I am confused, what do I do, is he cheating? — Worried.
Reply
It would be a big jump to think your boyfriend is cheating because he has diverted your calls. His withdrawal may not even be about you. Maybe he’s upset about something or involved in something that is taking his attention away from you. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Go and see him and gently ask if he needs a little space or if he’s having a hard time. Offer your help and support if he needs it. Then see what happens. I’m sorry that this is leaving you hurt and confused. I realise that it makes it hard to be patient. But making assumptions instead of checking things out almost always backfires. I hope that approaching your boyfriend with concern instead of accusations makes a difference. The other option is to stop calling him and let him be. Sooner or later he is going to wonder what you are up to and he will contact you. By continuing to try to get in touch with him, you boost his ego and he is probably saying: “I’m the man”. Ignore him and he will come crawling back.
Hi Sis Noe
I am in love with a guy who just decided to break up with me because he says we don’t respect each other and we are always fighting and that I don’t trust him. I really love him and I can’t live without him. If I can’t have him I don’t see myself in love again. — Help me.
Reply
Your fights and arguments were a sign that the two of you were not compatible and your boyfriend was justified to cut loose. Basically, the fights were hinting that you had outgrown each other and it was time to pick yourself up and move on. If you stop to rationalise exactly what you can’t live without you will realise you are not thinking about anything with substance — just emotional turmoil and confusion. You don’t really want to be a nun; there are plenty of better guys out there to choose from. Right now just take your time and it will all get better with time. You will recover and you will emerge from this heartbreak a better person and you will be more aware of what you want.
Hi Sis Noe
I love my husband but the problem is that when we make love like kissing or touching he tells me that he had never seen his parents doing that, we only have sex once the whole night and he is always away ngomsebenzi all the time, should I cheat on him? — Starving.
Reply
Cheating is never a solution — it will only add fuel to the inferno. You need to talk to your husband and tell him that he is not satisfying you — tell him in a calm manner, don’t be condescending because that will put him on the defensive. Be tactful, sensitive and loving, and let him know about your frustration. Discuss options that might help. He might have some ideas along those lines as well. I really feel that it’s very likely that you can solve this problem if you both work at it. For most couples this is usually more about emotions than the physical aspects. My guess is that you have got other issues that you need to deal with in your relationship as well, and those would be having a negative impact on your relationship. Your man sounds as if he is in real trouble. I winced when I read the bit about him not wanting to continue touching you when you express pleasure in what he was doing. This is either very sadistic, controlling, or it simply means he is really messed up sexually. Attend counselling sessions together and get to the bottom of it. Sex is part of marriage and a marriage without sex is not a marriage — if he does not change walking away from him will be an option — not cheating.
Hi Sis Noe
My girlfriend does not want me to read her phone messages, but what if she is cheating on me? Secondly, she was in a love affair with some other guy, each time I start talking about this guy’s attitude and actions she starts defending him. What can I do because they are still in touch, phoning and sending each other messages. — Help.
Reply
The last thing you want your relationship to turn into is one of mistrust and misery. What you need to ask yourself first is whether you are being reasonable. Is what you are feeling down to some serious issues that are going on or are you simply getting jealous of a situation, when you probably don’t need to be? Relationships require a balance between being close and connected while also respecting your partner’s privacy and sense of independence. Just because she is in a relationship, does not mean that she has given up all of her freedoms, including her privacy. Moreover, all relationships are built on trust. Trust requires telling the truth and also being willing to hear what a partner has to say. Without trust, relationships will fall apart quickly. In your case, you want to invade your girlfriend’s privacy — demonstrating a complete lack of trust. And through your actions, you have destroyed your ability to trust her. If you are lacking trust in your relationship you need to take a deep breath, get up your courage, and confront your girlfriend in an adult manner. Just because you think you may have found something doesn’t mean you necessarily did, reading her messages will announce to her that you don’t trust her. Before you go digging around for dirt ask yourself what the root of your fear is and what you suspect. Then talk about it. If you still suspect your partner of lying then it’s best to break up. You deserve someone you trust and who respects you, someone you know will never cheat on you.
Hi Sis Noe
I am aged 18 and have a problem with my testicles because one of them swells sometimes especially when it is hot, I am worried will I have a child? — Worried.
Reply
A swollen testicle or scrotum with no other signs or symptoms can have many causes. These include fluid accumulation, such as a hydrocele or spermatocele, enlargement of the veins around the testicle (varicocele) or a tumour. Typically, a testicular tumour is very firm to the touch and is painless. Testicular tumours are most common in young men between the ages of 20 and 40 years old. Swelling caused by fluid accumulation or enlarged blood vessels is usually soft and compressible. Even if it is not painful, you should be evaluated by a doctor to determine the cause of the swelling. Take care and good luck.