Nhlalwenhle Ncube
IN an ideal world, all our relationships would be balanced, fulfilling and no one would be disappointed.
But when you are disappointed by someone you love it feels awful. But as fate will have it, getting disappointments is normal and somehow it’s bound to happen. The reality is that you will encounter disappointment at some point in life. And that can make abandoning the relationship or distancing yourself emotionally — very tempting because you will be hurt.
But just because there are disappointments, doesn’t mean you should give up! After all, disappointment doesn’t come from animosity, or even from a lack of love, but from expectations not being met. The damage happens when you allow disappointment to fester, slowly poisoning your relationships.
In relationships, women are usually the most affected when it comes to disappointments. At times the man would have lived a fake life resulting in her having higher expectations. When in marriage only to discover that she was sold a dummy. She gets disappointed because she had high expectations.
At times the less love and attention you later receive, leaves you weak and disappointed. When you start staying together, somebody stops giving you attention as he used to do. Your romance life dies and you get to miss just a kiss!
Even after sacrificing a lot for the relationship, your better half may choose to act blind and give you some treatment which will leave you hurting and regretting on why you had believed in him so much. Even the issue of being treated as the second best brings nothing but heartache. After being convinced that you are the Queen of his heart, you discover that maybe your husband’s sister or mum appear to be more important than you. Whatever you plan, it has to get approval from them or at times they get more presents than you do.
Enough with women’s disappointments. Men also get disappointed when you fail to do your duties as a woman. It is sad that nowadays there are women who can’t cook or clean the house. The only thing that they can do well is talking and shouting. At least when you are bad in other things better be good in bed so he has something to comfort him.
Partners who are also not supportive in your life are also a disappointment. Some other issues which result in disappointment include lies, selfishness, pride and not caring and loving as one used to be.
The good thing is that disappointments are normal and manageable. No one got married to an angel so it’s bound to happen, but it must not destroy your relationship as you deserve healthier, happier times in your life.
It is important not to concentrate on your disappointments, but move fast before it ruins your relationship. Some things in life you must learn to forgive and let go as soon as you have solved the problem.
Even after being disappointed, learn to be appreciative. The opposite of disappointment is appreciation. So to get past the disappointment, the first step is to appreciate yourself and others.
The easiest way to start is to appreciate what was done, rather than focusing on what didn’t happen. For example, imagine you asked your partner to join you and your friends for a weekend outing, but when he did, he was not really in a good mood. Instead of focusing on his mood, appreciate that he accepted your invite and sacrificed his time to be with you. By looking for the positive, you will notice all the things that your partner did, he tried his best which were steps towards getting what you really wanted.
In other words, it’s not all bad. By managing your expectations in this way, you will begin to appreciate your partner more and feel happier about the relationship.
Most times people are disappointed because of having high expectations. To avoid unnecessary disappointments, one has to lower them a bit — but don’t give them up entirely!
One trap people fall into is having the lowest of expectations of someone they love, in order to avoid feeling any disappointment. But it’s just as bad to have ridiculously high and unrealistic expectations. An easy way to balance this is by focusing on “what is”, not on “what should be” — or what you wish it could be, someday.
If you focus on reality (instead of what the reality could be), you will find you are less disappointed in life, without expecting bad or irresponsible behaviour from someone you love. That doesn’t help anybody.
On the other hand if you want to be safe, open up about your expectations. Ask yourself honestly: did you communicate exactly what you were expecting? Were you clear? Did they hear you and understand? Did they agree to do or give you want you asked for? Most times, disappointment boils down a misunderstanding. If you articulate your expectations well, you will find it much easier for the people in your life to meet them.
Some people are always disappointed in relationships not because they meet the wrong people, but they want everyone to think and act like them. It is crucial to understand that people are different and not even a single soul is exactly like you. This is perhaps the most important step. Very often, we expect something to be done exactly how we would do it. But the truth is, just because you can do something well doesn’t mean the other person can and vice-versa.
Everyone has their own strengths. It’s important to understand that they aren’t the same for everyone. To expect from them what you would do if you were in the same situation is only setting yourself up for disappointment.
The truth is we can’t be rid of disappointments. They are a normal part of life. But the key to having a happier life and healthy relationships is to manage your expectations.
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