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SEX without love is a meaningless experience! Of course, I know someone is laughing at this saying but we are in the 21st century. There are some people who have become so addicted to casual sex and they go about hurting others by just having sex with them and moving on.
If you are a human being, your behaviour should be different from that of animals. Sex should have a meaning in your life and must be a sign of love.
Sex without love is torture especially for women. Some women find themselves in confusion not knowing whether to be angry at themselves or the man who will have used them. It is hurting to do something out of love only to realise that your efforts are not appreciated. Is it okay to separate love from sex?
Sex without love is not for everyone. Some people have permanent scars in their hearts because someone just had sex with her or him. They took that as confirmation of love and expected to take their relationship to the next level only to get a bombshell. It hurts to be told that sex was just done for fun and there are no strings attached. You then wonder, what does that person take you for, a sex toy or thigh vendor. You cannot be a thigh vendor because as far as your memory serves you well, you never demanded payment for your services.
These people who go about hurting others with meaningless sex try to justify their actions by saying it was just a hook up with no strings attached. What they do not know is that there are women and men who want a meaningful romantic relationship to evolve from a hookup. This mainly affects women because most men do not turn to a hookup encounter to find romantic commitment. In fact, when a relationship begins with a hookup, men are less likely to see the woman as a future committed partner. This may be because men report that when they engage in a hookup they do not want the experience to evolve into a permanent romantic relationship.
Women are left heartbroken after such experiences because they will be feeling guilty, used and even develop low self-esteem. Women are motivated by connection, attachment and emotional intimacy. They often long for commitment and feeling deeply cherished by a man in their life. This means that those who are told that it was just sex and must not read much from it and expect too much are likely to become more depressed with each subsequent uncommitted sexual experience.
All things being fair, women typically use a hookup as a way to establish a deeper more meaningful relationship with a man. Many women hope that having sex with a particular partner will open the door to getting to know the person better and, ideally, a future relationship. Women put a high value on relationships, much higher than might be portrayed in the 21st century culture.
A history of hooking up often reflects someone who is deeply yearning for real love and care and yet has adopted a pattern that makes finding emotional intimacy difficult. The lack of authenticity involved in these sterile attachments leaves women deeply disappointed and oftentimes painfully self-critical as they beat themselves up for what they should or should not have done.
Adolescent girls and adult women in a pattern of hooking up feel extremely self-conscious about their bodies, their mood is often down or depressed, and they engage in repetitive negative thinking.
They feel uncomfortable with intimacy, which makes it hard for them to both find a committed partner and to be a committed partner.
They feel alone and unfulfilled. They have difficulty understanding their emotional world, which makes it challenging for them to communicate effectively in order to have their needs understood and met by the men in their lives.
These roadblocks have women turning to sex not as a result of emotional intimacy but as a way to attain a short-term burst of relief from shaky self-esteem and loneliness. Unfortunately, it haunts them again!
Each and every person has to choose what he or she wants. So before you hurt someone, at least be honest and mention that even if you have sex with her it’s not your signature of confirming that you in love. If they agree, then you can go ahead.
At the same time, you can also ask your partner whether he loves you or just wants sex. When you get into it knowing its meaning, you save yourself from a heartbreak.
With that freedom and choice comes great responsibility and the important task of taking care of your emotional self and how both of you want she it to be.
While it has been historically more common for men to have sex and keep it just about the physical connection, with few or no feelings of intimacy involved, women may struggle with separating the two.
Often, despite one’s best intentions, emotions come into play, since women often feel most vulnerable when they are in intimate situations and often literally and symbolically feel naked.
It is important to be loud and clear with your intentions. Never take it for granted that its obvious love and sex go together or that sex does not mean love. People are different and expectations are not the same.
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