Nhlalwenhle Ncube
IT seems nowadays the relationship status of saying it’s complicated is more fashionable than the old ones of getting to know if someone is in a relationship or single. More and more people are finding themselves in situationships.
In trying to hide their pain, they make it appear sexy and normal when you are talking of relationship status by choosing to stick to complicated. Unfortunately some people have been in those complicated relationships for too long.
Situationships seem to be the name of the game in the dating world in this century and truth be told it’s hurtful as it tortures the soul and the mind. People might pretend as if they are happy and content in those relationships, but they are not.
No normal person wants to be in a complicated relationship or in a situationship. Worse, some are even taking it to the public domain, you see them changing their Facebook status to, “It’s complicated.” What could be so complicated?
The minute I see any of my friends changing status to that, I know that the person is in big trouble and hurting though they never agree when you confront them.
Back then whenever someone claimed to be in a complicated relationship, you knew they were having problems with their partners and there were both chances of separating or ironing things out. But now the list seems to be endless.
The most common complicated relationship scenarios people find themselves is in an “undefined” phase. You have been seeing each other for a few weeks but you are not really sure if you are really together or not. It is not healthy to keep things hanging and wasting your time, the best thing to do here is just talk about it with the other person and get clarity. It’s important that you are both on the same page than keeping it complicated.
Sometimes people go from “in a relationship” to “it’s complicated” because they are on a break or experiencing problems. If you are in this situation, think about what it is that you want. Some relationships can put you at physical and emotional harm and at risk to your safety. It is a serious issue which deserves serious consideration, so think about your own safety and self-respect. You will rather be single than die in situationship.
Then there are the on-again, off-again relationships. These situations actually happen a lot when people know they should break up but can’t let go of each other for one reason or another. It might be because you are so used to being around the person, because you have been together for so long.
On-again, off-again relationships are not really healthy because they can be emotionally draining and can keep you from living your life. If you have outgrown your relationship or know that your partner is not healthy for you, consider cutting ties permanently. There is no happiness in that kind of situation. Relationships are a choice.
No one should be pressured into getting into one. If someone is unsure about their feelings for you, or seems like they don’t have any feelings for you, you owe it to yourself to move on. It’s unfair for someone to expect you to wait for them to like you back.
Put yourself first and be with someone who is honest and sure about wanting to be with you. And if you don’t like someone, don’t get into a relationship with them. It’s okay to say “No” to something you don’t want.
At times some people make things really complicated for themselves by getting to be with someone’s person. This is a really complicated one because it can get messy. When there are more than two people involved in a relationship and it’s based on lies and sneaking around, someone is bound to get hurt. You should consider whether it’s actually worth being with someone who can’t commit to one person — not you or the other person they are seeing. Healthy relationships are based on trust and honesty. You are never settled in such a situation and it haunts to know that he can choose to be with the other person when you also need his company. This is only for the strong hearted.
Some complications are not worth the trouble and always remember to protect yourself emotionally. In most situationships where complications become normalised, breaking up becomes the best option. Yes, breakups are hard, but sometimes they are worth it. Eventually you will realise that you did what was best for you. It’s like going to the dentist to get your tooth removed. It will be scary and it will probably be painful. It will hurt for a while but once it heals, you will feel much better.
Sometimes you are better off taking your relationship status to either “In a healthy relationship” or “Single and okay with it”. Don’t settle for less than you deserve. You should never settle for crumbs when it comes to your heart. Life is already complicated enough to have other complications by choice!
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