Hi Sis Noe
I CHEATED on my husband a month ago and now he is treating me like a dog. He no longer listens to me and comes home late. We used to have crazy sex every day, now he does not even look at me even when I am naked. When I am sick he does not take care of me like he used to. — Worried.
Reply
Insist on a sit-down talk and beg your man to be frank with you. Do you and he actually have a future or are you both guilty of wasting each other’s time? If he admits he feels your marriage has run out of steam, then he has to be clear whether he wants out or wants to revive it. Tell him you are prepared to work as hard as it takes to make things good again, but you cannot turn back the clock or undo the stupid things you did that you now deeply regret. Also, ask yourself why you felt tempted to cheat in the first place. His behaviour shows that he has not dealt with your cheating the right way. You both need some counselling. Go to your general practitioner, he or she will recommend a counsellor who can help save your marriage.
Hi Sis Noe
My wife found out that I cheated on her and she divorced me and got the house. The woman I was cheating with dumped me and told me she does not want a serious relationship. I am now a lodger and from the day she left me I have been begging her to forgive me and take me back. Things have been bad for me but she does not care. How can she be so cruel? — Worried.
Reply
You can’t blame your wife for this mess. She did not push you into the arms of your ex-lover. If your marriage was not a happy one, you should have spoken to your wife before you cheated on her. I understand her decision to divorce you and if she really is not willing to give you a second chance, you will have to accept it. After all she went through the divorce — that to me is a sign that she is done with you. You need to pick yourself up. You have made some big mistakes, but life goes on and you won’t feel this low for ever. It’s vital that you learn from this and vow to treat future partners with consideration and due respect.
Hi Sis Noe
Our daughter has trouble sleeping since she was born. She is now six years old but still sleeps in our bed. I am now sexually frustrated because my wife and I rarely have sex because of her. During the day I will be at work so we only have sex at stolen moments. What can I do? — Starving.
Reply
Surely the important matter here is to get your daughter the professional support she needs for a decent night’s sleep. It is vital that you all visit your doctor together and explain how intolerable this situation has become. Find out what help is available for her. You also need to be mindful of the possibility that your wife has lost her sexual confidence and could be hiding behind your daughter’s condition. Reassure her of your love and commitment, and suggest going back to basics with romantic dates. Your relationship has to be nurtured and cherished, too.
Hi Sis Noe
My friends don’t like my boyfriend but I love him because he is unpredictable and exciting. He makes me happy but they say he is rude. What should I do? — Worried.
Reply
If your unconventional boyfriend has been disrespectful towards your friends, why should they like him? You are free to love anyone you like, but you can’t expect everyone else to fall in line if your boyfriend is being obnoxious. I suggest you vow to take one day at a time and simply see how this relationship pans out. What you don’t want to do is let your pride get in the way or fall out with everyone who cares for you. This man may be dangerous and exciting now, but there may be another side to him.
Hi Sis Noe
My girlfriend does not want me to see her completely naked and when we are having sex she does not remove her top. This is frustrating me. What is she hiding? — Worried.
Reply
It’s imperative that you talk to your girlfriend. Be careful not to criticise or accuse her of anything, but gently ask if she is embarrassed about her body or has suffered any unpleasant sexual experiences in the past. It could be that she has mental or even physical scars. Make it clear that you like her enormously and you need to know where the problems lie so that you can empathise and, hopefully, help. Sadly, if she is really not interested in opening up, you have to decide whether you are willing to give her more time. You need to consider your own sexual satisfaction and level of commitment in this relationship, too.
Hi Sis Noe
During sex I don’t get wet enough and my boyfriend and I end up bruised on our sexual organs. I have also never experienced an orgasm. — Worried.
Reply
Your dry vagina can be caused by not being aroused enough before sex or not wanting sex at all. Your man might be penetrating you before you are ready or maybe you are stressed. Maybe you are taking certain birth control contraceptives that cause dryness such as the Pill and Depo-Provera. Having an infection can also cause this. You could visit a doctor to find out what is wrong with you. In the meantime you can use lubrication to make yourself wet so that you avoid the painful sex you are having. As for the orgasm, every woman’s experience of an orgasm is different. While some women experience powerful orgasms that feel like clear events, other women experience orgasms that are quite mild. Nearly all women appear to be capable of experiencing an orgasm, but it can take some time, practice and exploration — alone and/or with a partner — to develop some ease with orgasm.
Hi Sis Noe
Is it safe to have sex when pregnant? I am a woman aged 20 and I am pregnant. — Curious.
Reply
It is very safe to have sex when you are pregnant. But I am not surprised that you think your partner is going to harm the baby by thrusting into you. In fact, you might find out that your sex drive is higher than ever at this time (I hope I am right).
Reassure him that the baby is protected and you could try some gentle positions that don’t seem dangerous. In your second trimester you should have a good sense of wellbeing and be blooming, and you will know that your baby has made it through the stage where the risk of miscarriage is highest. As your belly expands though, you might both need to get more creative with your positions. Sex can even help reduce pressure on your lower back and plenty of women say pregnancy improves their sex life! There are exceptions, of course, and it’s always worth checking out with your doctor. For instance if you know you have a risk of bleeding, you have a history of miscarriage, are expecting more than one baby or you feel pain while urinating.
Don’t be surprised if you feel that you prefer to be intimate without having sexual intercourse. Many women become more interested in sensual arousal and want to enjoy touch and foreplay, and it’s also normal to feel uncomfortable about having sex when you are pregnant. People are not the same — we are different.