The world is full of people who have not dealt with an old hurt. They look for things to criticise and find faults and ways to justify the way they feel.
People who felt that way and hypercritical of others are generally bitter people. Bitterness is one of the most crushing mental health problems in a person’s life.
Bitterness is the refusal to forgive and forget, a tendency to maintain a vivid sense of wrongs one has done. It is a negative emotion caused by a somehow irreversible thwarting of a goal.
It is a sensation a person feels after a great disappointment and can leave an individual with a sense of void of bitterness that can last for a long time. Bitterness is a devastating mental attitude that triggers hatred, cruelty, antagonism, self-pity, unteachableness, vindictiveness and the desire for revenge.
Bitterness blows the candle of joy and leaves the soul in darkness.
Bitterness is anti-social. Resentment, anger, jealousy and envy are some of the emotions which are evident to people with bitterness but when individuals let them linger in their minds and heart it results in bitterness.
Bitter people have a distorted view of reality as the affected person’s ability to assess things objectively is clouded. In most cases, such people are extremely self-righteous and they are unable to see where they fall short and are critical of others.
A bitter person is his/her own worst enemy. Due to the bitterness, the affected individual is selfish, inconsiderate of others, withdrawn from society, indifferent or averse to conformity with the conventional standards of social behaviour. Further, a bitter person is someone who has an intense feeling of anger, discontent, resentment and animosity. It is very difficult to maintain any kind of relationship with a chronically bitter person and bitterness is a major contributing factor to marital and family problems. It has a relevant impact on people’s quality of life in everyday affective relations and at work. No one is happy around a bitter person as people can acquire feelings of bitterness from someone with whom they interact with. However, not everyone who is discontent is bitter and not everyone who is angry is bitter. People can have these negative emotions as spontaneous response of anger to certain provocative situations.
Bitterness is not a response to present circumstances but always lies in the past even though the causes still persist in the present. It is the past that holds the key to bitterness. With bitterness, there is more under the surface than what is readily exposed for the casual observer to see.
In other words, the root of bitterness is underground and is easy to hide and camouflage. Being bitter can wreak havoc on the mental, emotional and physical health. Prolonged bitterness can make individuals turn their backs on relationships and people around them. In some instances some people allow their bitterness to separate them from loved ones while those who take measures to let go of the bitterness can live a positive life with joy and happiness in their hearts. As human beings, people are prone to face and experience disappointments and hurt in life. Hence instead of choosing to curl up with them, other people can say goodbye to bitterness and embrace betterness.
Bitterness arises from unresolved anger and unaddressed disappointments, so it is important to figure out the sources of bitterness and address them. Bitterness makes the individual’s brain react negatively to everything and blames the self for whatever happens. This can be stopped once the individual forgives self and others. The affected persons need to settle their minds as an unsettled mind can cause thoughts to bounce in a tumultuous way. When the mind is settled the individuals can be in a position to reframe their thoughts and let go of the hurting thoughts. The mind can be settled through practising meditation, mindful walking, and trying yoga and through being active in different sporting activities as these help to calm the mind and release bottled negative emotions. The individual can minimise holding on to negative emotions and feelings and try to control the emotions and emotional responses in order to get rid of bitterness. The affected individual must try to live in the present and forget about the past. Lastly, the bitter person needs to be grateful always in order to overcome bitterness. It is not easy to let go of bitterness and resentment in life but when an individual learns to get rid of bitterness one will see life from a joyful lens. Do not be bitter, try to be better.
Dr Jane M Nzvenga is a registered Student Intern Counselling Psychology (Great Zimbabwe University)