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Hi Sis Noe
MY husband does not want my daughter to see her biological father. He takes care of her and loves her but I feel that my baby has a right to have a bond with her father. — Help.
Reply
Your husband is not a reasoning man. Taking care of your daughter does not mean she should be divorced from her biological father. You would be crazy to even to listen to the reasons he will offer or has offered. I am sure you are happy to have your husband, but he has to learn to grow up. Allowing your daughter to see her father or to hear from him does not mean that he is going to take her away from you or your husband. He should be encouraging the girl to call her father from time to time. You have to stand up to this man, but at the same time, you should not be disrespectful.
Hi Sis Noe
I found my roommate naked asleep in bed with my boyfriend when I came home early. When I asked them they said it just happened and they didn’t mean it. My boyfriend says they were drunk and my roommate is asking for forgiveness. I don’t know what to do. — Betrayed.
Reply
Such things don’t just happen overnight. Your boyfriend evidently had his eyes on your roommate for a long time and apparently she was admiring him, too. Both of them knew you were not going to be home. They didn’t even know you were coming back early. Your plans were to be out for a while so they used the opportunity to make love. You caught them sleeping naked. They were probably exhausted after having marathon sex. You didn’t see them doing anything, but you have common sense. They did something – yes, they had sex. They didn’t deny that they had sex. Why else would they be naked? Now you know you can’t trust your man, neither can you trust your roommate. I am not going to tell you what you should do, but I would say to you, do not trust any of them again. You cannot watch your man, but when a woman will give her body to her girlfriend’s man, she is likely to do it again. As soon as you are able, find another place to live.
Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend cheats on me. I love him but he can’t stop cheating. He makes up for it with money and gifts. I have tried to break up with him but I am failing. — worried.
Reply
This man knows that you do not seriously want to break up with him. He knows that you have gotten to love him, and you are grateful for his help. And whenever you tell him it’s over, it is like you telling him a big joke. If you wanted this man out of your life you would not take any more of his money.
And you would not accept any of his phone calls or see him. If you seriously did not want him in your life, there would not be any further room for argument. Stop entertaining him if you want out otherwise be content with what you have.
Hi Sis Noe
I am tired of having relationships that are based on sex. I want a fulfilling and loving relationship. Could having sex soon after meeting someone prevent something long-term developing, or should I risk being spontaneous with a very new partner? — Worried.
Reply
Putting the words “risk” and “very new partner” in the same sentence raises the safety question. First, you must find a way to have that essential conversation about each other’s sexual history and be prepared to take precautions. It is also worth examining your motives before you quickly become intimate with a virtual stranger. People have sex for all kinds of non-erotic reasons, and I am going to make some guesses that might apply to you.
Maybe you want to get it over quickly, to assuage your anxiety about doing it for the first time after your last relationship? Or, deep down, you are still missing your previous love and want to try to fast-track into a similar situation? Perhaps you have been so hurt that you are trying to prove to yourself that you can get back in the saddle — and imagine that will be healing? I know you long for a deep connection again, but unless you are truly ready emotionally to handle spontaneous sex that is unattached to loving feelings I would suggest waiting a bit. Use your intuition; you will know when the timing is right. In general, becoming intimate early on is not necessarily going to sabotage the development of a longer relationship — unless it goes badly wrong. In your present state, that could happen
Hi Sis Noe
My husband and I rarely have sex because of stress and he says he is not in the mood because I take it out on him. However, one of the main causes of my stress has been the lack of intimacy. I don’t know how to break out of this cycle. — Worried.
Reply
Yes, it really is a cycle, and the way out is to stop perpetuating it! Stress affects far more than intimacy; it undermines your general physical and psychological health as well, so take immediate steps to reduce it, through meditation, exercise — whatever is most effective for you. But even more importantly, stop “taking it out” on him. If you are yelling at him, criticising him, allowing your frustration to be vented at him, that is simply being abusive, and there is no excuse. Even if you are just being irritable around him that would hardly be a turn-on for him, would it? One of the most common passion-killers in any relationship is underlying resentment, which truly shuts down a person’s sexual interest. The power dynamic between you urgently needs to be adjusted. Soften your approach and encourage him to express his true feelings. Listen to him. When he feels safe with you, his desire should return.