Hi Sis Noe
I HAVE a crush on my boyfriend’s friend. I feel so guilty about fantasising about him whenever my man makes love to me. I dream of running away with him and doing really naughty things. — Guilty.
Reply
Turn this situation into a positive. If your feisty friend has fired up your imagination — and made you feel more sexy and alive — then use this energy to make things even better with your man. Remember that you can admire this man, but you cannot touch him; that would be completely inappropriate and wrong. For all you know, your partner could be entertaining lustful thoughts about other women all the time. The important thing is that a significant line is not crossed and that you cherish and protect the established relationship you enjoy and the man who really loves you.
Hi Sis Noe
My ex used to cheat on me and get drunk a lot. Now she has stopped drinking, she is always bothering me, asking me to take her back. Her friends also want me to take her back. — Help.
Reply
Clearly, your ex has woken up and realised that she made a monumental blunder. From drinking to excess to cheating, she sounds as if she was out of control for a considerable amount of time. Now she is claiming to be sober and is a reformed character. Good for her. But her rehabilitation has got nothing to do with you because you saw the light. Now you are in your own space and happier than you have been in a long time. The sad fact is that your ex is clutching at straws in an attempt to turn the clock back. But that chapter of your personal life is over — and she has to start accepting that. If you don’t want what she wants, you have got to resist her with all your might. Don’t allow her to shame, cajole or bully you into returning. She is shamelessly pulling out all the stops in a clumsy attempt to woo you back. She has even rallied her friends to pile on the pressure too. Ignore the lot of them. It’s not your fault that she is lonely and feeling the cold. Tell her today that this all ends here. Change your contact details if you think that will help. Stay strong or she will suck you in all over again.
Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend always mistakenly calls me by his ex-girlfriend’s name when we are having sex. Is he cheating on me with her? He says it’s a mistake. — Worried.
Reply
Calling you by the right name is pretty fundamental. We all trip up from time to time, but if he keeps doing this it doesn’t say much about his commitment to you and suggests his ex is always on his mind rather than you. Is he actually over her? I think not. Don’t cling on to him — I strongly suspect you could do a whole lot better for yourself. Don’t ever settle for second best.
Hi Sis Noe
During sex I don’t get wet enough and my boyfriend and I end up bruised on our sexual organs. I have also never experienced an orgasm. — Worried.
Reply
Your dry vagina can be caused by not being aroused enough before sex or not wanting sex at all. Your man might be penetrating you before you are ready or maybe you are stressed. Maybe you are taking certain contraceptives that cause dryness such as the Pill and Depo-Provera. Having an infection can also cause this. You could visit a doctor to find out what is wrong with you. In the meantime you can use lubrication to make yourself wet so that you avoid the painful sex you are having. As for orgasm, every woman’s experience of orgasm is different. While some women experience powerful orgasms that feel like clear events, other women experience orgasm that is quite mild. Nearly all women appear to be capable of experiencing orgasm, but it can take some time, practice and exploration alone and/or with a partner to develop some ease with orgasm.
Hi Sis Noe
I am always fighting with my wife but I don’t want to. What can I do to put a stop to these fights? — Worried.
Reply
It takes hard work for a marriage to function. Marriage is an effort, if you fail to work at it, it will suffer. You need to talk about your problems in a non-accusatory tone. Do not point fingers because you are both wrong, you both have faults and it is those faults that are making you fight. Tell your wife that you don’t want to lose her because of the fighting. You need to learn to compromise. You and your wife need to learn to respect each other. When she says something that might lead to an argument just agree with her or keep quiet and raise the issue later calmly. But it will be impossible for you not to argue now and then.
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Please connect me with a gentleman who is 45 and above, HIV-positive, financially stable, widower or divorcee not for marriage but a steady companionship. I am a widow aged 44 mother of two in the civil service.
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Ndiri mudzimai anemakore 38. Ndodawo murume asinamhuri.
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