SOULMATES
I AM a widow aged 39. I am an HIV-positive mother of three looking for a man of the same status who is serious not vanoda kutamba. Age yemurume wacho 42 to 55 years only.
I’m looking for a single lady aged 18-27. I am guy aged 29.
I am a lady aged 29. I need a Christian man to marry. I’m a Christian too and HIV-negative. He should be aged 33-37.
I’m a 38-year-old man with two kids, looking for a woman below 38 years of age who is ready to settle down.
I am man aged 46 staying with one kid. I am looking for a committed woman to stay with who is HIV-positive.
May you link me with a single man preferably 26-32 years old, with a child or two. I am a lady aged 24 with one baby boy.
I’m a 46-year-old, lonely man who is HIV-positive. I am in Bulawayo and I am looking for a caring and God-fearing lady below 40.
I’m 33, may you connect me with men aged 34 to 38.
I am a man aged 35 based in Bulawayo. I am looking for a woman to date.
I am a lady aged 41 looking for a man aged between 41 and above. I have two kids. I am HIV-positive.
I am a man aged 31, looking for a woman aged 22 to 28 who is HIV-negative.
NOTICE
For the contact details of the above people send a message using WhatsApp to 0773111328. SMSes will not be responded to unless they are accompanied with a $1 Buddie airtime. Strictly no phone calls.
Hi Sis Noe
I have discovered that my girlfriend masturbates in secret each time after we have sex. Is it because I don’t satisfy her? What should I do? — Worried.
Reply
Do nothing. Such behaviour is very common and you need not worry that she secretly likes pleasing herself. Many women crave a second orgasm, especially if she has been super-aroused during intercourse. Perhaps she doesn’t want to bother you for that extra pleasuring, or maybe she is afraid you might think her too demanding. Many people, male and female, find the type of orgasm they have during masturbation (for women, often clitorally focussed) to be qualitatively different from what is experienced during lovemaking. They find masturbation produces a deeply satisfying orgasm without the anxiety that can accompany partner sex. Sex with you could be fulfilling for her in myriad ways that cannot be reproduced during masturbation, yet she just happens to want that extra one. You might have to consider the possibility that she is truly multi-orgasmic. If you wish to participate beyond your established love-making pattern, ask what exactly she would like you to do for her after you have climaxed. Be prepared to follow orders.
Hi Sis Noe
I only have sex once a week with my wife and she always loses interest in sex after she orgasms. I always make her orgasm through foreplay. I love her a lot but this is now getting on my nerves. — Frustrated.
Reply
You are over accommodating. Many people erroneously believe selflessness is always a good thing. But rather, a balance of power urgently needs to be achieved between you and your wife — and not just regarding sex. It is important to clearly let your wife know what you need, and ask for some compromise. I suspect that you allow her to have control over most aspects of your life together — and this would be OK if it did not leave you feeling sad and resentful. It’s time to openly discuss the unspoken contract between you; let her know your true feelings about things you perceive to be unbalanced or unfair, and listen to her feelings and rationale as well. Your future happiness and the welfare of your relationship depend on your ability to negotiate a better connection in which there is a greater sense of fairness for you both.
Hi Sis Noe
Ever since I lost my virginity I am struggling to maintain an erection. My girlfriend tries to assure me that everything is OK but I can’t help but worry. — Worried.
Reply
Listen to your partner and don’t create problems where there are none. You are far from the only person in the world to have these particular concerns, but if you cannot relinquish them they will interrupt your ability to enjoy sex altogether. Managing sexual anxiety is often a man’s primary lovemaking task — no matter how experienced he is. Try to remember that sex is supposed to be fun. If you even think of sex as a performance, it will make it more likely that erectile instability may occur. You are not on stage. Just focus on the moment of loving connection, laugh and develop the ability to please your partner in many different sensual ways — ask her to show you exactly how and let her know what feels best for you, too. Many men worry excessively about losing their erection, but unless there is some diagnosable erectile problem it is quite normal to lose and regain it during sex. What is important is knowing how to be relaxed if it happens, to ask for what you need to get back on track — and to be prepared to pleasure her in non-penetrative ways if it seems expedient to do so.
Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend almost never initiates sex with me. It is me who always has to start or ask for sex. I know he enjoys sex but this is starting to frustrate me.
The most frustrating thing is that he does not communicate his sexual feelings. — Frustrated.
Reply
Your boyfriend is communicating with you, in his own way. You understand what he is telling you, but you don’t like the message. Good communication is a two-way process. It is a vital aspect of every area of your relationship — not just sex. If you are a person who needs more than grunts and bare minimum intercourse, you will have to make that clear, and educate him about your own needs. Do this without laying blame. Gently explain your feelings of frustration, and ask for what you want in an inspiring manner. There is a big difference between a seductive invitation for him to take the initiative, and a threat or ultimatum. Everyone has a unique set of erotic triggers, and it takes partners time to learn these things. Many people are willing to please their partners but just don’t know exactly how.