Hi Sis Noe
I AM in a relationship with a woman I love but I am in a dilemma. There is this woman at work who wants to sleep with me even though she knows I am in a serious relationship. Should I sleep with her? — Tempted.
Reply
Show me a guy that hasn’t had similar thoughts of poking some hot woman at work and I will show you a liar. Seriously though, look at the situation, you are in a relationship that is serious, you two are having a great time, why mess it up? If she gets bonked by some a guy that she works with, you would be pretty pissed wouldn’t you? Well, it’s a two-way street buddy. If you want to go around getting busy with people at work, maybe you should not be in a relationship, or at least not a serious one. You risk losing a great relationship for lust. If you get busy with her once, it will happen again and again and before you know it, the whole thing will turn into one big ugly mess. Don’t think for a second you won’t get caught, it will slip eventually man.
My suggestion to you is either, enjoy the time you have with her at work, or say game over to your current relationship and let the party begin.
Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend of three years is going on a trip to Victoria Falls for a week with his friends and I am afraid he will cheat on me there so I don’t want him to go. What if he finds someone there? These thoughts are killing me even though he has never cheated on me. What should I do? — Worried.
Reply
What should you do? Tell him to “have a good time on his trip” as you kiss him goodbye! It can be very easy in a situation like this to let your imagination, fuelled by insecurity and dependency, run away from you and blow the whole thing way out of proportion. Before you know it, this trip has been recreated down to the finest level of detail in your head (before it has even happened, of course) into a giant drunken orgy starring your boyfriend and loose women. However, you need to get a grip and look at it for what it really is and decide if the threat in your mind is for real or not.
There is nothing complicated about this. Your boyfriend has decided to have a trip with the guys — period. Why would you think for even a moment that your boyfriend would change his patterns of behaviour overnight? He has been committed to you for over THREE YEARS. Doesn’t that give you a hint that he has dedicated himself to you? It doesn’t appear that he has ever given you a reason to doubt his faithfulness to you before. Why would he blow three years of a good thing on some week-long drunken fling? If they had women going on the trip, I could see cause for alarm, but it’s just a bunch of guys doing guy stuff. Trust is a major component in a long term relationship, it sounds like he is a responsible person, so be a good girl and trust him. You need to remind yourself that you love him, he loves you and some out of town chick is not going to stand between that. It could even be that this time away actually brings the two of you closer!
What can you do to help yourself through this? Ask him to call you a couple of times during the trip and let you know everything is ok. You will know from his voice and what he says, everything is just fine. But don’t turn it into an over-the-phone interrogation! Just ask him how everything is and whether the trip is going well. Also, do your own stuff! Get the girls together for some fun — you don’t have to miss out on having a good time. If you sit at home every night brewing over all the things your boyfriend “could be” doing, you will drive yourself nuts! He is going to do what he is going to do whether you worry about it or not, so why worry? Don’t forget it goes both ways, he could possibly be thinking the same way about you! Now you think, “Well, I would never do those things to him!”, so why are you worried about him doing them to you?
Hi Sis Noe
When I have sex with my boyfriend the condom keeps slipping off and it turns me off. It frustrates me. — Help.
Reply
A condom that continuously slip-slides away can be frustrating especially if it keeps killing the mood. Fortunately there are a few things you can troubleshoot to get to the root of the problem. Next time your partner puts on a condom you might want to check the fit. Is the condom snug around the shaft of the penis? Did your boyfriend roll the condom down all of the way? Is there extra latex hanging or bunched up? They don’t call it a love glove for nothing; the condom should not slide around on him while he is sliding around in you, so make sure it fits like a glove. Keep in mind that brands and styles of condoms are varied. Perhaps sampling a few to see which ones provide a better fit may be helpful, and fun. Another thing to consider is your position during sex. Have you noticed that the condom escapes only when you and your partner are in certain positions? If he were on his back when you make love, for example, would the condom be less likely to come off?
Trying a number of positions to see what keeps the condom in place may not only help you diagnose the problem; it could spice up your routine as well. Condoms are made to fit tightly on an erect penis, so another thing to check is whether your boyfriend is keeping his erection during sex. Erections can come and go (perfectly normal, by the way); if this is the case, the condom may loosen its grip and slip off. A smaller sized condom may be appropriate so that he doesn’t slip out during a lull in erection. Saying and doing things that will maintain arousal during sex may also help in this situation. Lastly, although it can be challenging to talk about this stuff, the best way to figure out what is going on with your boyfriend down there may be asking him what he thinks is causing the problem. It’s possible that he knows what the difficulty is, but is embarrassed to tell you, or assumes you already know. Never underestimate the power of open, honest communication.