Selusweyinkosi Mhlanga
This sounds like a selfish statement when you hear it at first. Try to imagine a person who always puts others first.
What titles come to your mind? Parents, caregivers, siblings, health practitioners, firefighters, house helpers, a businessperson and everybody else. Yes, everyone. Imagine if any of those people are too tired to do what they do best but still try to go on. Will they be any good to anyone when they are fatigued?
I took a weekend getaway to refresh after a busy week of work, okay not a week, not a month either but years of work and responsibilities.
At the resort while preparing for a game drive a young couple with a little child joined us and a lot of us showed dissatisfaction at them. Yes, I am honest enough to say I did judge them too. Later though, when I thought about it I asked myself what was wrong with them wanting to experience nature like the rest of us. Being young they are probably as tired as I am from my own responsibilities so they needed the break as much as I did.
If you don’t, who will?
This question is often directed to a person who is being reminded of their responsibilities as a way to motivate or coerce them to soldier on. Today I ask the same question in relation to self care. If you don’t prioritise yourself, who will?
Someone has a spouse who might help them with responsibilities after noticing that they are drained. Maybe another has a child, parent, sibling, employee or friend who can take their place and assist. But what about the people whom you actually never notice are burnt out and have no one else to turn to.
Everyone expects them to do more and more for them because they are strong. Only they can make it clear that they can’t go on and need to ask for help hence the need for them to lead the race in taking care of themselves first so as to be strong for others.
Don’t feel guilty about self care
Maybe you are a wife who is overwhelmed by chores and expectations, a business person, a new mother or a girl child who is expected, culturally to handle everything or the man of the house who is struggling to support his family, it’s okay to acknowledge that you are not winning despite all your efforts and seek ways to cut down on some of the responsibilities.
Remember that people will always talk, whether you do well or not but most of the people who judge you have not walked a day in your shoes and do not know what you go through.
They talk because what they think about you is a reflection of themselves, not you. So do not overly concern yourself with them.
Identify your stressors and eliminate them
Deliberately set out to find out what stresses you or overwhelms you and do something about it.
Do what you love
The reason why there are weekends and off days is so that workers get time to do what they want to do. We all have chores and responsibilities, and we also have hobbies and interests.
We tend to give more attention to work and work away from the workplace and neglect the playing part.
One excuse we use is that there is no time. How can there be time when you don’t make it for those particular activities? What you give attention to is what will be.
Have some quiet time every day
Take a few minutes out of your busy day to have alone time to reflect and recharge. It may be meditation for someone, expressing gratitude for a few minutes, connecting with your higher being or nature, listening to music or motivational speeches for some or taking a walk. It’s necessary to recharge in whatever way you prefer to dissolve the day’s stresses and have the heart to face your challenges.
You do so much everyday. How many activities do you do per day? You may not be able to count them all as some are done as habits and you don’t see them as chores anymore. When going to bed take some time to appreciate yourself and praise this body that does so much.
Set boundaries
We live in a society where a lot is expected of us and we also have bigger dreams with each waking day. It’s important to create boundaries and put first what is important to you.
Do not work yourself into exhaustion by taking on more than you know you can handle or should handle. Friends, parents, relatives expect a lot from us and sometimes we feel we just cannot say no. There is a need to turn them down now and then and stick to what works for you.
Get some sleep
Some people believe that sleep is for those whose lives are comfortable. It is assumed that those who sleep for eight hours are lazy. I promise you, things always look better when you are fully restored. Your mind will be more creative and you will have more strength. Even the Bible says ‘Joy comes in the morning’ for that reason. Rather than stress about it, just sleep on it.