Hi Sis Noe
MY best friend had sex with my boyfriend; she confessed to me and asked for forgiveness. What upsets me is that my boyfriend betrayed me and didn’t even confess and ask for forgiveness. What must I do? — Confused.
Reply
It’s upsetting and worrying that you had to hear about this from your so-called “best friend” and your partner didn’t come clean himself. Does this mean or prove that he has cheated on you before? Or has the capacity to commit a further deception in the future? I suggest you insist on some time out so that you can think this through. Then ask yourself the following questions . . . Is life without your man conceivable or are you prepared to put this behind you and fight on? Can he assure you that this was a once-off? If so, are you able to concede that we all make mistakes? Or is this revelation a complete relationship breaker?
Hi Sis Noe
My girlfriend made a big show of proposing to me during a romantic meal on Valentine’s Day. She got down on one knee in a crowded restaurant with a ring. Everyone was watching us and the waiters were standing by with a bottle of champagne so what choice did I have but to say yes? Now she’s whizzing ahead with the wedding plans and I feel well and truly trapped. I like her, but how do I tell her that I don’t love her enough to make her my wife? — Worried.
Reply
I urge you to speak up right away before any more time or money is spent on your wedding. Your fiancé has to know that you are having serious doubts. I get the impression that you feel you were steamrollered into saying yes, in which case you owe it to your fiancé and yourself to come clean. Yes, of course she’ll be very upset, but marrying a woman you don’t love would be catastrophic.
Hi Sis Noe
I work for a single businesswoman who demands sex from me and pays for it. It has gotten serious that we have it almost everyday and she wants to travel with me to Dubai. She has even paid for my passport. My friends say she is just using me for sex and will dump me eventually. I don’t know where this will end but what if she really loves me? — Trapped.
Reply
I can almost guarantee that your boss is hoping for a full-blown relationship. She wants to take you to Dubai in an attempt to seduce, please and convince you that she is the only woman you need. You can’t knock her for trying, but you absolutely can’t accept her invitation if you have no feelings for her. You work together and you can’t possibly risk hurting or upsetting her. Be honest — that’s if you do not love her — that you like and respect her enormously, but absolutely refuse to travel with her for pleasure because you don’t really love her. The last thing you want is any more awkwardness. But if you love her — have a blast.
Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend has a lot of problems. I am scared of him sometimes because he beats me, but I want to stay in the relationship to help him. My friends want me to dump him. What should I do? — Worried.
Reply
The purpose of dating is to find a worthy spouse, not to rehabilitate a troubled guy. So it sounds as if you need to step back from this relationship. Many young women with good hearts want to play the role of therapist to a guy who has a rough life, but they end up wounded, and the guy is not much better off.
A girl might stay in the relationship because she does not want to hurt the guy by leaving. But it will harm the guy and her more if she does not take a step back. Until he can deal with his problems in a way that is not destructive to him or to others, he is not ready to be in an intimate relationship. If he tries to lay a guilt trip on you or intimidate you, it is all the more evidence that you need to back away. If he hurts you, then the sooner this ends the better. In the meantime do not use physical pleasure to cover up the pain of the relationship. Instead listen to your friends. They are there to look out for you, and I do not think you will regret following their advice. Because they are not emotionally invested in the relationship, they can look at the situation with greater clarity. Therefore, do not dismiss their advice.
A recent study showed that when it comes to predicting the success or failure of a relationship, few people know better than the friends of the girl. Not the couple themselves, not the guy’s friends, but the girl’s friends are often the most reliable judges of how strong a relationship is and how long it will last. As difficult as it may seem to walk away, it will only be more difficult later to patch up the hurt that has been caused by staying in the relationship too long. Two factors should influence this decision: You are worth more, and he needs this time to mature. Even an unhealthy relationship makes you feel desired, and so you settle for it. As long as you stay in the relationship and take the abuse, it sends him the message that his behaviour is fine. Therefore, don’t spend your time trying to change your boyfriend. Instead, imagine what it would be like to be cherished by a man who would protect your purity and make you feel safe. Such men do exist, but they are only found by the women who refuse to settle for less.
Hi Sis Noe
My penis bends to the left when it is hard. Is that normal? — Worried.
Reply
Men rarely have a perfectly straight penis. Some bend left, right, up or down. And some point in the direction of left, right, up or down. As long as the bend is not severe to keep you from having sex, or to have sex the way you and your partner want to, it is probably just a normal bend. That said, if it gets in the way of your sex life or if the bend developed after some sort of trauma (like getting kicked or having a ball slam into your genitals during sports or after a sex injury), you might want to speak with an urologist. Some severe bends can be treated with injections or other available treatments. But again, most of the time a slight bend is nothing to worry about or have treated. Some men even find that their “bend” helps them to stimulate their partner in unique ways that a “normal penis” doesn’t.
Hi Sis Noe
My vagina has a bad smell and it doesn’t go away even after I wash it. Other people can smell it too and it is really embarrassing. When I sit down I can smell it and when I take my underwear off to use the toilet it is really bad. — Help.
Reply
I think you should make an appointment to see your doctor for some simple tests, such as swabs from the vagina, because there may be a low-level infection causing this. One possibility is something called bacterial vaginosis, but there are other possible bacterial infections that often cause an offensive vaginal smell, sometimes ‘‘fishy’’ in nature. These are not of a sexually transmitted type. Do not be embarrassed about seeing your doctor, the sooner you do, the quicker this problem can be resolved.