Future Mlotshwa

Nhlalwenhle Ngwenya, Sunday Life Correspondent
Up-and-coming musician Future Mlotshwa is optimistic that tribal house has what it takes to revive ubuntu.

He believes that through social commentary and educative lyrics, people can dance and at the same time, have a reflective constructive approach to society.

The artiste who hopes to release his debut album later this year has released singles – Ebaleni, Abaphansi, Phukunyu, I Will Give You Love, Owesifazane and Remember Me which all have a desperate recurring mention and call to replace the once firm moral social fabric, in an entertaining manner.

Born and raised in Bulawayo’s Fourwinds suburb, the 21-year-old tribal house vocalist who is inspired by his producer Percy and Djembe Monks is heavily influenced by South African tribal house.

Carrying his ubuntu message, something he attributes to well upbringing, like many budding artistes in the music industry Mlotshwa wishes to explore his talent full time.

“Currently, I’m just doing music part time, but if all goes well, I’m going to explore music as a full time career,” said Mlotshwa.

The budding musician said he was fully aware of the hazards in the arts industry and hopes to change the landscape.

“There’re a lot of promoters in the country, but none of them seem to have a noble cause towards the interests of the artistes.

They barely promote young artistes, preferring to work with established ones. Promoters have to pay attention to young talent and groom them,” he said.

It’s been four years since the young muso embarked on his musical journey, but financial constraints have kept him anchored on the same spot, also robbing him of moments that could have defined his career. Going international for Mlotshwa is not a priority, as he wants to be a star in his own country first.

Munyaradzi Hwengere

ZVISHAVANE-BASED commercial radio station; YaFM last month celebrated its first year anniversary. As part of its celebrations, a series of activities were lined up that included a business forum, and a cycling event, among other activities.

Sunday Life Senior Reporter Roberta Katunga (RK) interviewed YaFM chairman Munyaradzi Hwengwere (MH) to discuss the station’s journey to one year. According to Hwengwere, it has been a bittersweet road but the station has delivered in that it has continued to broadcast to the mining community in the Great Dyke area despite some challenges.

RK: Mr Hwengwere, congratulations on your station turning one. What does the name YaFM mean?

MH: When we came up with the idea of the station, our vision was to let the youth run it but bearing in mind that adults know the way. The station is a union between the energetic youths who carry out the day to day torch of the business yet depend on the wisdom of their elders to guide them as they engage with their audiences. YaFM stands for Youth and Adults Frequency Modulation.

RK: What has been the station’s major highlight?

MH: The greatest highlight would have to be the pleasure we have from having carved a niche in Zimbabwean history as the first ever regional commercial station to operate in the country. Secondly, we brought broadcasting to a people situated in a place where there was never an institution of that sort. We have made history by being the only radio station that offers such a platform to the mining community, for us that is our highlight.

RK: Can you describe how the journey to your first anniversary has been?

MH: It has been mixed; we have always been clear about it. From our inception we have received tremendous support from the communities we serve. Being a former employee of the national broadcaster ZBC, I am well aware of the fact that broadcasting has a tremendous impact on society but I wouldn’t have imagined the impact YaFM would have in the Mberengwa, Zvishavane, Shurugwi and Chivi areas.

However, on the commercial side, we have experienced some highs and lows. The highs being that the small business community has done its best to support the station and use it as a medium to grow their businesses. Nevertheless the disappointing reality is that decisions in Zimbabwe are still primarily centralised in Harare. This therefore means that for every pitch you make in Harare, you are making it to a decision maker who has no clue of what the southern region of the country is; you almost have to carry them through a geography lecture to explain the potential of the place and the opportunities available.

It takes a long time before big players with big advertising budgets come on board.

RK: Is it not the responsibility of media houses to be innovative and come up with survival strategies in such a market?

MH: Certainly, we realise that it is a challenge for broadcasting entrepreneurs to advance new models for the business and take advantage of the market to create new opportunities. However, what may seem like a disadvantage can be transformed into an opportunity for business.

Another important thing that we have to keep doing is talent identification, we need to continuously search for new talent because in broadcasting it’s about getting the best but knowing that you can never hold on to it for eternity. When we started out, we had Davis Mugadza as the first manager, he left but we have had a capable replacement in Collin Nikisi. Realising that the market is not static and always being on the lookout for new trends will make us survive.

As a station we are not limited by the boundaries that confine us, our listeners can listen to us through online streaming on our website www.yafm.co.zw <http://www.yafm.co.zw> or download our mobile app on Google Playstore. So no one has an excuse not to listen to YaFM.

RK: If the mining community has been supportive to the station, what has the station done to benefit the community?

MH: The community was hungry for information and needed a voice for the voiceless. YaFM gave them that voice that is why we say: “Finally miners have a voice.” But we have gone beyond that, we have held a series of business conferences for instance the Great Dyke Business Investment Forum last year. We brought in Dr Nigel Chanakira who spoke about how to unlock investment opportunities. This year Dr John Mangudya addressed small-scale miners. We have just concluded the Tour De Great Dyke for the purpose of making our communities aware of the area they live in and the opportunities available to them. We have basically provided a platform for the community.

RK: What are your future plans for the station?

MH: We want to change from being merely a broadcasting outfit to a lifestyle hub. At the moment we are constructing what we want to be Zvishavane’s biggest entertainment arena. By this time next year, we won’t be talking about YaFM a radio station but YaFM a Multi-Media Lifestyle Centre.

RK: Thank you for your time and all the best going forward. Any last words to our readers?

MH: I would like to acknowledge the support of my team, fellow directors but most of all the staff at Ya, they have done so much to keep the station going and I want them to know all their hard work is appreciated.

Lady Tshawe

Transitioning from being a musician to actor usually requires a hyped about film that everyone talks about ahead of its release. While this tactic worked with Lady Tshawe when she starred in Qiniso and more recently with Selmor Mtukudzi in Escape, musician and radio personality TKP Zimhouse has kicked off her local film career by starring in a local short film, Ekhaya.

The ten-minute film which was written and directed by award winning indie film maker Nigel Ndlovu is about a pardoned ex-prisoner seeking revenge and his fair share of the cake from his friend. TKP plays the role of Mandisa, the wife of the friend.

Speaking to Sunday Life about her acting experience, TKP said, “This being a low budget film, we had to work with what we had. We had to make a lot of compromises but the team I worked with was really hardworking. We had big dreams, hard word and really nothing else but that made it an even richer experience.”

Having started drama and performance in South Africa, TKP was approached by the Ekhaya producers who asked her to be their leading lady.

“I first tried my luck in acting in acting when I was in South Africa, I had a cameo role in the soapie Rhythm City but I came back home before my acting career could take off. For a while I put the acting dream on hold because I did not know many people in the film industry. I finally got my break in the stage play, Prayer for Grandmother, which was where the Ekhaya team identified me then called me to audition for them,” she said.

Comparing music to acting, TKP said the two were not very different as they required the same process. Having had a taste of both the music and drama world, TKP maintains music is still her main forte.

“Acting is great. But music is still my main thing. I do have another acting project coming up however. All I can say at this point is that it is a Harare production and we will start filming soon.” – Nkosilesisa Ncube

Mary J Blige’s estranged husband is demanding $130 000 in monthly spousal support so that he can continue to live the “lavish” lifestyle he enjoyed before she filed for divorce.

Martin “Kendu” Issacs (49), believes the American R&B songstress should help him pay for his personal training sessions, private chef and a $1 000 allowance for new clothes.

Blige ( 45), filed for divorce from Issacs in July, citing irreconcilable differences after nearly 13 years of marriage.

She also fired her husband as her personal manager throughout their marriage and left him with “no source of income”, Issacs argued in papers filed to the Los Angeles Superior Court on Monday.

The filing states that Issacs made $46 204 a month when he was employed by his wife, and earned a total of $554 465 last year as her manager.

But Issacs, who claims to have $4,5million in assets, said he now needs spousal support because his financial situation has “changed” significantly in the last 12 months, court papers state.

Blige gave Issacs $35 000 in August and $50 000 in September for spousal support, in addition to $25 000 for his legal counsel.

The filing states that Issacs has already spent this money because he had to “secure new living accommodations”.

Issacs added that his bank and checking account is currently overdrawn, with a balance of -$13 104.

Now the unemployed former manager wants to return to a life that included travelling by private planes, dining at expensive restaurants and socialising with A-list celebrities, the filing states.

Issacs specifically wants Blige to cover $129 319 out of the $161 434 he spends per month.

In addition to the $8 000 for the private chef and $3 200 personal trainer, he has also asked Blige to contribute to the $5 000 he pays his parents each month and the $71 000 in rent he owes to several properties.

Issacs also pays nearly $5 000 a month in support for two children from a past relationship, $2 500 on auto expenses and transportation, $5 708 in maintenance and repair on his properties and another $5 732 on groceries.

He has also asked for help in paying the $21 677 he gives in charitable donations and the $10 000 he spends on entertainment, gifts and vacations.

Issacs requested that Blige pay him an additional $100 000 for attorney fees and another $30 000 to his forensic accounting fees.

Blige and Issacs signed a prenuptial agreement two days before their December 2003 wedding day that includes a waiver of spousal support.

But Issacs is now arguing that it should not be considered valid or enforceable because Blige had legal representation at the time of the signing and he did not.

Issacs said at the time he also did not “understand the consequences of what I was about to sign”, he writes in the filing.

He then argues that the fact that Blige has already given him two payments in spousal support is evidence she “has her own reservations regarding the validity and enforcement” of the prenup.

Issacs also claimed in the filing that he had a “significant role” in growing Blige’s career, negotiating “practically every deal on behalf” of the songstress since their marriage, court papers state.

“Although Ms Blige was a recording artiste before we married, her income significantly increased during the marriage as I was her personal manager,” he claims.

The nine-time Grammy Award-winner had released six studio albums before the couple got married.

She had already made the Billboard Hot 100 in 2001 with one of of her most famous songs, Family Affair, and her album Love & Life made the Billboard 200 in August 2003, selling nearly 300 000 copies in its first week.
Blige, who on average now makes

$371 749 a month, will release a new album later in October and has a supporting role in a feature film due to premiere in 2017.

The singer has yet to respond to her estranged husband’s support demands. – Online

Nqobile Tshili, Sunday Life Correspondent
THE children of the founder of His Presence Ministries International Apostle Charles Chiriseri and Pastor Pertunia Chiriseri have remained calm in the face of trying times which nearly cost them both of their parents in a road accident last month.

Their father Apostle Chiriseri, died in the accident while their mother Pastor Chiriseri was admitted to Bulawayo’s Mater Dei Hospital’s intensive care unit for almost a month. Pastor Chiriseri was discharged from hospital last week on Saturday.

This follows an accident where the vehicle they were travelling on allegedly hit a donkey along Harare-Bulawayo highway causing the crash that ended Apostle Chiriseri’s life on the spot.

Instead of mourning their father’s death, Chiriseri’s children have decided to put their faith in God, declaring the fatal accident as the Lord’s will.

The couple’s daughter, Miss Lisa Chiriseri, told Sunday Life that they have remained trusting in God, something they learnt from their parents.

“For us God has always been the centre in our lives. We were raised knowing that God is everything. God is working in our lives. I said this (accident) was strange. I spoke to my brother who was also shocked at what he had heard. But we still trust God as it was His will.”

She said her mother’s recovery from hospital testified that God is working in their lives.

“We prayed all night. She had four surgical procedures. She bled profusely. She had punctured lungs which is said to have killed so many people. But she is now recovering from home with no pain waiting for her operation to heal,” said Miss Chiriseri.

She said many people spoke highly of her father during a memorial service conducted in Harare on Thursday.

Miss Chiriseri said Apostle Chiriseri dedicated his life to God and family, among those he touched through ministering the word of God.

“I can only use the words other people have used to describe him. He was a man of integrity, he was consistent, and he wouldn’t compromise anything for anyone. He was so humble and completely devoted to God,” she said.

Apostle Chiriseri was laid to rest in Bulawayo yesterday. ­— @nqotshili

Wreckage of Theresia’s car

Peter Matika, Senior Life Reporter
LOSING his wife in a tragic accident in September this year dealt a great blow to Sifundiswa Mdlongwa, a senior network planning and implementation manager at a telecommunications company outside the country.

His life has slipped from that of a jovial tot to that of a gloomy and grumpy old git. To sum it up, he is a man apart, torn from within, his head bustling with so many unanswered questions about the events leading to the accident that took his wife’s life.

His wife was involved in a head-on collision, which set her vehicle on fire along the Masvingo-Harare highway. Mdlongwa strongly feels that justice was not served, and has accused police of not being efficient and also feels the driver of the vehicle that collided with that of his wife has had no sympathy in finding out what happened to her after the crash.

He says not only was justice not served but also there are many unanswered questions to the puzzle of the accident, which he feels the police are yet to solve. Since the death of his wife — Theresia Mdlongwa, who was employed by Great Zimbabwe University and drove a Ford Focus, Mdlongwa has taken it upon himself to try and solve the puzzle.

Mdlongwa has resorted to writing on his Facebook page seeking answers.

“This is what you did. I had expected you will at least have come and said ‘I am sorry’. As I leave I also leave it to your conscience to do the right thing. What difference is there between a man who carries an axe and chops another’s neck off to one who drives a car with a bull bar and rams it into a hapless woman driver in broad daylight? Both cases equate to murder.

You murdered my wife! You will or already took advantage of my mourning period to bribe your way out of the short arm of the law. But remember there is another judgement day,” wrote Mdlongwa.

He added: “Police have refused to give details. The driver of this vehicle is the one who removed my wife from the car that had caught fire. This is a South Africa-registered car, which apparently was side-swiped before coming to hit Theresia’s car head-on after encroaching onto her lane.

“There are many issues that I need answers to. I had a glimpse at the police diagram, which shows the point of impact on my wife’s lane. More importantly assuming it was an accident the person involved (Romeo) nor the owner of the vehicle (ZimAlloys) have not made any effort to pass their condolences or at least make an effort to find out who and what happened to the person who was in that car. His insurance has not been informed too. His licence has not been produced,” he said.

Mdlongwa said there was a lot that needed to be done to answer his questions.

“Why has the case not even been handed to the PP (public prosecutor)? How can a company car be removed from VID? Is ZimAlloys aware of the incident? Did the guy produce his driving licence? Was he on duty carrying red oxide? Is his insurance aware? Did they take witnesses? Why are they not giving us the scene diagram? And only saying under investigation, for how long? What is the investigation officer’s conclusion,” he questioned.

Police in Masvingo could not be drawn into commenting on the issue, as they referred all questions to the national traffic police spokesperson — Inspector Tigere Chigome, who could not be reached for comment at the time of going to press.

@peterkmatika

Yoliswa Dube
WHETHER you’re re-decorating your home or designing your first place, arranging your furniture is an important task.

But before you start moving your furnishings, you should first toss away the junk, move the furniture and make sure there is nothing underneath it.

You ought to measure everything to properly plan your furniture arrangement and avoid moving your heavy furnishings constantly until you find the arrangement you like. Take measurements of your pieces so you can plan your space theoretically before you start moving anything.

Once you’ve decided on the arrangement, you should focus on creating a focal point of the room, which will depend on what room you’re in. If you’re arranging your living room furniture, consider making your fireplace, a picture window or a television your focal point.

Keep in mind that in a bedroom, it should be the bed, while in a dining room, it must be the table. Also, you ought to remember that the focal point of the room will depend on the majority of the furniture around it.

When it comes to the placement of your focal point, try to move it to find the best spot in the room. Consider some place where you want the object to draw your eye to.

In order to draw attention to your focal point, place some accessories in the area. If you’re re-arranging your bedroom, consider putting side tables with lamps on the sides of your bed. In a living room, you may also choose a nice painting or a mirror.

Usually, the television should be surrounded by shelving or bookshelves, but if you want to make it part of a large entertainment center, you can always choose some electronic equipment to go with it.

It’s important to distance the furniture appropriately, according to the purpose of the particular space. In a room that’ll be used for conversation, keep in mind not to put the pieces too far apart or too close together.

When arranging your furniture, you must also remember to create nearby surfaces, especially in the living room. Try to create a surface within arm’s reach of every bigger sitting spot in order to make a place for people to sit down with drinks while talking. For smaller spaces, it’s advisable to purchase movable surfaces that you will be able to put into position when needed.

You should keep in mind to size the rugs carefully. You should simply fill the area you place the rug in. Don’t forget that too large or too small a rug can make your space appear too small or too large.

Mirrors must be used strategically, placing them on a wall to make your room look more spacious. Mirrors reflect light and create the appearance of more room in the space, so if you use these creatively, you can even double the amount of space it looks like you have.

When re-arranging your furniture and you have wooden floors, it’s advisable to create some protection by placing a piece of a rag or old carpet under each leg of your furnishings before you move it. It will not only slide more easily, but you’ll also avoid scratching the floor.

Don’t forget to determine whether or not the particular elements of furniture should be kept in your house — each item should serve the room’s purpose while being on the scale of the home. Try to keep small pieces of furnishings in a small room and larger pieces in larger spaces. — decorlove.com

Dumisani Nsingo, Senior Reporter
A script depicting one’s success in the world of film and theatre will somehow read “From Makokoba to Hollywood”.

Bulawayo’s Providence Moyo hopes to take a leaf from such a script through illuminating the world with an array of skin care products made from an indigenous fruit gathered by rural folks in the thicket of Gwanda, Matabeleland South Province.

A teacher by profession, Providence swapped the chalk and chalk-board duster for the face powder and sponge. In so doing, she quit her exploits of nurturing and imparting academic excellence to pupils after a career spanning over a decade, which also saw her taking her trade to neighbouring South Africa-in pursuit of mastering the art of beautifying individuals particular about their looks.

Providence is the founder and director of Divine Providence Skin Care. Through blending um’khomo, a fruit from the baobab tree with natural remedies she has successfully produced a product that can cure skin diseases such as uneven pigmentation and acne. The Divine Skin Care founder also produces um’khomo daily moisturiser, facial scrub and puffing powder and is working on introducing a facial soap on her line of production.

Baobab is a tree native to Africa, Madagascar, Australia, and Arabia. The tree is mostly used as a source of water and food for indigenous people. Fruit and leaves of the tree are used medicinally for asthma, mosquito repellent, and for allergic skin conditions.

However, knowing the attributes of Vitamin C in umkhomo as a beauty product was a natural progression for Providence in her pursuit to become the “world leading producer and distributor of hypo allergic skin care”.

“I use what I call the baobab powder. I collect it from women in Gwanda. They harvest it and I buy it from them, by so doing I want to give back to the community. I combined my Zimbabwean background with the South African background (where I did beauty therapy) in my beauty skin care.

“I then manufactured my own moisturiser, scrub and puffing powder. I am now so competent in Bulawayo and a lot of women love my products. I do spiritual care as I trained psychological counselling with the University of South Africa (Unisa),” said Providence.

A hit in USA

Despite having started producing natural skin care products in 2014, Providence feels her break through and prospects of leaving a mark in the world of beauty therapy came when she toured the United States of America on a two-week exchange programme, African Women’s Entrepreneurship Programme organised by the US embassy two months ago. The Programme attracted 36 women entrepreneurs across the continent involved in cosmetic, basketry, fashion and farming projects.

“Out of the visit I had the privilege to meet other entrepreneurs that had done it in USA. I also had a showcase where I managed to sell my skin care products and within a day I raised about $300 and I still had people that desired to order my products . . . ,” she said.

In the US, Providence toured four states namely Illinois, Florida, Colarado and Washington.

Making it big

Providence has started working on the quality and standard of her products to have an international appeal.

“My business was still done in the backyard. However, while in the US I had the privilege to learn more on branding, on how I should brand my products so that they become competent in other countries. I therefore desire to start with Zimbabwe. I have already taken my products to National University of Science and Technology and the University of Zimbabwe for testing.

“Thereafter I want to register with Standard Association of Zimbabwe. If I do so, I desire to penetrate all the shops and pharmacies and thereafter I desire to penetrate Africa after Africa and beyond.”
Testimonials

Users of Divine Providence Skin Care products had this to say: “In life as women, we experience hormonal changes and can have skin breakouts, uneven complexion and scarring. While the rest of my body is light in completion, my face had weathered the elements and was a bit darker. Since my skin treatments and switching onto facials produced by Devine Pro . . . I am a new person. My skin is glowing and my confidence was boosted. I am excited. The results are amazing,” said Reverend Sarah Nyathi of Harvest House.

Peter Matika, Senior Life Reporter
CONQUERORS Afrika is but one of Bulawayo’s leading all-male acappella groups.

Formed in 2007 the group has had a gleeful journey in the industry and has grown from being just a mere church group to a leading brand.

The group’s spokesperson Lindelwe Mangena spoke to Sunday Life about their journey and future in the industry.  “The group particularly focuses on promoting and upholding Christian values. The group came to being in 2007 at Barham Green Church, where we met as members of the church. It was there when it all started. We used to sing in church, charity events, weddings, funerals and we even did hospital performances,” said Mangena.

He said their core values and music was centred on Christianity but had since branched to other genres to attract a greater audience. “This is a Bulawayo group. Our primary focus is Christianity and Christian music but we have since branched out to other genres, so as to attract various audiences.

“In that light we have worked with renowned groups such as IYasa, done a track with Sandra Ndebele (u-satan uthwele izembe),” said Mangena, adding that some of the pioneers of the group are the likes of award winning gospel musician Mkhululi Bhebhe.

Conquerors Afrika to date has released a 10 track album in 2013 titled Ngcwele.

“We are working on our second one, which will be a video album. We hope to launch it in February 2017,” said Mangena.

We hope the group will never die, as we pray that future generations will carry the legacy and see the name of Conquerors live on through generations. Conquerors Afrika comprises: Lindelwe Mangena, Vumizulu Mangena, Mayibongwe Mangena, Sangelo Donga, Thabani Ndlovu, Frank Sangweni, Gerald Makambaya and Vuyisile Mathe.

Martin Sibanda

Joel Tsvakwi, Sunday Life Correspondent
Ndolwane Super Sounds band fronted by Martin Sibanda is promising its South African fans an early Christmas treat.

The Big Boss or the Amajongosi leader as Martin is affectionately known by his legion of fans will be on tour of duty for the second time in South Africa this year.

The show, dubbed the early Christmas show, is slated for 5 November at Safari Lodge in Johannesburg. Since his split from the original Ndolwane, Martin, the Zimbabwe rhumba or Tshibilika music genre proponent has just one album — Bakhuzeni — of July 2012.

Speaking to Sunday Life during the preparations of the much-hyped show which will see lucky fans pocketing money prizes, Thandazani Nyoni — the ensemble’s manager and publicist confirmed the show.

“The show will be packed with new dancing routines. Fans should expect a tight stage work of instruments and vocals as well.

Since it is the last show of the year our fans should also brace for old goodies that will remind them of our yester years.  The new album is not yet ready, we are still busy with it but we might sample one or two songs from the album,” he said.

“The Early Christmas present show is going to be spiced up by a Zimbabwean artiste, Mxolisi Ndlovu aka Mr Bones. He always comes in as a supporting artiste when Martin is playing in Johannesburg,” Nyoni said, adding that the old goodies will be archived from the 14 albums of the original Ndolwane.

@joeltsvakwi

Focus Acappella

Nkosilesisa Ncube, Sunday Life Reporter
Until the Pitch Perfect frenzy hit members of the public in 2012, acappella was just a neglected genre of music. However, long before Fat Amy became a household name, Focus Acappella group was already paving way for their “Aca-stardom”.

The Bulawayo Pelandaba-based group was formed in 2009 when five young men decided it would be interesting to form an acappella group with mostly males and introduce one female voice to the mix. The group has since then kept a male to female ratio of six to one.

The group developed out of both a love for acappella and early exposure to the genre of music.

“We grew up in an acappella setting in the Seventh Day Adventist Church (SDA) singing, listening and also being inspired by a lot of acappella music groups. We fell in love with it, and ever since then the love hasn’t dropped an inch but grown to greater heights,” said Isaiah Motsi, a member of the group.

The group considers itself as one without a target audience as its music caters for everyone.

“We have a watch word ‘Focus to the rescue of your soul’. We are living in the last days therefore we urge everyone who gets the chance to listen to our music to focus on the cross and on Jesus Christ because He is coming soon. Both the young and the old are to be inspired by the gospel we preach through music,” said Motsi.

Motsi added that they are different from other acappella groups because they have a talented lady among them, who he jokingly referred to as their secret ingredient.

“The fact that we have an amazing young lady within the group sets us apart. But other than that, we have our own unique sound that is different from any other group as it comprises of our musical ideas brought about by individual members which are then therefore put on the table and then worked on to produce one solid soothing piece,” he said.

Focus recently held their first ever concert, dubbed “Bayethe — The first wave” on 22 October. According to them, the concert was a way of giving back to the Bulawayo community by bringing people of all ages together to praise and worship in one place. Supporting acts during the concert included   Adonai Music, soloist Elaine, Gweru-based Reclaim Music and God’s Grace from South Africa.

Reception for the concert was generally positive as they received a great turn out from both young and old people and Focus’s first single Bayethe was received well by the audience.

@nkocykay

Nkosilesisa Ncube, Sunday Life Reporter
Having completed a national and Canadian tour and being scheduled to perform in Austria and Germany later this year, one just knows that Nobuntu’s performances are pure perfection. Their video for Inganekwane is no different. Inganekwane comes as part of their second album, Ekhaya, which in its simplest form translates to “home.”

With the Inganekwane video, the viewer is taken through four minutes of purely African music carried effortlessly through the first half by Duduzile Sibanda’s leading vocals and the second half by Heather Dube, while the rest of the group members back up in unmatched harmonies.

The video opens with a guitar solo which runs throughout the song. It is the only instrument used in the song and with its slow tempo sets the right mood for the telling of the story or as the song title suggests, the telling of inganekwane (folktale).

The divine nature of the song is complemented by the choice of Matobo as the setting. Matobo is culturally considered as a spiritual place as it was the initial Ndebele capital, King Mzilikazi’s final resting place and till this day serves as the venue for the Njelele rainmaking ceremony.

The video is set in rural Matobo, with the main sights being the balancing rocks, the clear blue sky and the sparse green bush that makes constant appearances throughout the video.

No other setting could have been more suitable for this particular video.

The ladies of Nobuntu are dressed in white for most of the video. Immediately the viewer is drawn to the purity that the white apparel suggests. The white attire could also suggest that the ladies are angels, which explains why they are telling a tale of a conversation between God and the rest of creation.

Their white clothing is coupled with traditional ancestral headgear, which alludes to man in his most natural form and further emphasises the spirituality surrounding the video.

The three dancers in the video are dressed in white and green, while in the other shots the vocalists wear naturally occurring colours like green, yellow, red and brown, in a way bringing the viewer closer to nature and spirituality.

This spirituality however, is not confined to any particular religion. As a result, the lyrics refer to “Umdali” (meaning the creator) without attributing Him to any religious sect. The creator in this case becomes relative to whatever the viewer believes in.

The creator can even be Brahma, the Hindi god of creation, as at one point in the video; the ladies spread their arms out like the god Brahma spreads out his many arms.

The choreography in the video is rhythmic, slow and controlled, quite like a religious meditation ritual.

This metrical routine is carried out through the video until the last few minutes where it is mixed up with elements of contemporary dance and ballet when the song talks about oneness of people of different cultures and nationalities.

The chants “kolobeja” and “jefunde”, which recur in the song, are Ndebele chants which children repeat when listening attentively to an old folk-tale.

This reference to childlike chants reinforces the idea that the song is actually a story and also this allusion to childhood appeals to the viewer’s inner child and purity, in essence, returning the viewer to his or her true self.  The video takes a nostalgic approach towards folk-tales as a tradition that is no longer since people have found alternative methods of storytelling.

The only other living creature shown in the video is the blue lizard. In some Bantu communities, lizards signify mortality and the human cycle of life.

Again this is a connotation towards returning to one’s most true self.

Ultimately, the Inganekwane video becomes an age old tale, executed through nothing short of musical genius, while using seemingly ordinary things to explore human spirituality. It is a beautiful video, as one would expect from the all female group.

@nkocykay

Hi Sis Noe
I AM a man aged 20 and still a virgin. My problem is that every time I try to have sex my penis collapses. Even if I try masturbation it produces whitish liquids which are not sperms. Help me because my girlfriend said failure to solve the problem anobva andiramba.   — Worried.

Reply
It is doubly frustrating for a man when he can’t get or maintain a firm enough erection to make love. Not only does he feel unfulfilled sexually but it is so maddening to know you want to make love, know you desire your partner, but find yourself unable to control your machine gun. It’s even worse when your partner feels very threatened by your not making love to her and starts accusing you of not loving her or of having an affair.

So one of the first steps you have to take to resolve this problem is to be honest with your partner. I know it’s hard for a man to admit that he is experiencing erection problems but the overwhelming majority of women are very understanding — in fact, they are often relieved to discover that is what the problem is. Sharing this with your partner will also have the effect of relieving some of your anxiety — and that in itself will help since anxiety alone can cause, or certainly contribute to erection problems. Most cases of temporary erection difficulties are simply cleared up if you and your partner agree that you won’t try to have intercourse for a while.

That absolutely does not mean that you give up all the other ways of making love — kissing, cuddling, caressing, doing everything loving, arousing and satisfying you feel like doing. Massage is a good way to get that loving closeness, and stimulate your hormones and physical responsiveness. The only thing to avoid is attempting intercourse itself. After a few days, or weeks, you should find that you will have intercourse easily just because you were not worrying about it.

Hi Sis Noe
I am 22 and I have a son. My husband is always blocking me to visit him at his workplace only to realise that he was cheating on me after I visited him. He has another wife who is pregnant. When I asked him about this he apologised. Is he genuine in his apology?

Reply
Sometimes the people we hold most dear in our lives hurt us so bad that it becomes difficult to forgive them. But if you love him don’t fool yourself that you are going to leave him, just accept that he wronged you and move on with your life.

Love him even when it hurts. But if you cannot forgive him then you need to leave him because your marriage will never be the same again. He probably didn’t want you to see what he was up to because he did not want you to get hurt. Only you can tell whether he is genuine or not. The only thing I can tell you is to listen to your heart. If your heart tells you to cling on then cling on, if it tells you to leave then leave.

Hi Sis Noe
I’m 23 and she is 17. She loves me and I love her too but she is confused because her ex keeps on calling her. Is she cheating on me? — Worried.

Reply
If she loves you why then is she allowing her ex to call her with the intention of them getting back together? She is allowing him to call because she wants him to call. You are right, she is confused because she is torn apart between two men who are competing for her attention. I cannot say that she is cheating but I can say that she is not being honest.

If she wants to be with you then she should be with you, if she wants to be with her ex then let her be with her ex. Do not allow her to give you vague excuses on why she is entertaining this guy. If he really belongs in the past then he should stay in the past.

Hi Sis Noe
I’m 19 and he is 20. He comes from a very rich family. He is proposing to me and I do have feelings for him. I am afraid that girls at church would be jealous of me. What can I do? — Help.

Reply
You are afraid to fall in love because you do mind what people will think and say about you? Girl, that’s a lame excuse, that flag does not fly up my pole. So the girls at your church will become jealous, so what? That’s the natural order of things; people fear what they can’t conquer and hate what they don’t understand. I can go on all day telling you the disadvantages of thinking about the ifs and buts but I won’t.

Stop thinking and making assumptions and accept this man’s proposal. I will not say more.

Hi Sis Noe
I am 26, in love with a 21-year-old lady but the issue is that she communicates with her ex despite the fact that I told her several times not to. On Saturday I slapped her after she lied to me when she had been seen with her ex. Sometimes she showed signs of change then she starts again.

I love her and she loves me but what can I do to influence her behaviour in a non-violent way such that she will understand me. I am thinking of dumping her but it might not be in line with my heart because deep down I love her. — PLEASE HELP.

Reply
Some people believe that ex-lovers can become friends but I am not one of them because there is a danger that that extinguished flame might re-ignite again. But that’s me and if anyone is offended out there by what I am about to say, you are free to object. First it was wrong for you to beat her because violence is not a solution. It’s a cowardly way of doing things.

Talk to her and tell her that you are not comfortable with her entertaining her ex and if she really loves you she will stop. But if she persists then you need to make a sacrifice and let your heart bleed by leaving her. You will endure unbearable pain but you will get better in time (ask Leona Lewis).

Hi Sis Noe
I am a lady aged 20 and my problem is that every time I have boyfriends they have sex with me and after that they dump me bonke. I am trying to avoid it but I can’t. — Please help.

Reply
Treat yourself like a horse and men will ride you and leave you. You need to stop opening your legs for every guy that tells you he loves you because that is just a gimmick for you to let down your guard. Your history of being easy got around and now every guy who approaches you wants one thing and one thing only — to unload and leave. You need to respect and love yourself before you love a man.

Loving yourself will see you attracting the right kind of man, a man who will love you for you not for what you were. Take some time off this dating game and list down the things that you want in a relationship. See were you were going wrong and correct your mistakes. Do a self analysis and trust me, you will come out a changed woman.

Hi Sis Noe
We broke up last week but she is always coming to my house but I’m no longer interested. I don’t know how to avoid her. — Please help.

Reply
She is still coming around because she did not get the message. She still thinks that she has a chance with you. If she really knew that its over I don’t think she would even dare think about visiting you. You need to be straight up with her. Sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind.

Tell her some painful truths; make her see that she loves only a shadow and thought, that you cannot give her what she wants.

If she continues visiting you then you have a stalker on your hands. I hope that she is not one.

Hi Sis Noe
I am a lady aged 20 and I broke up with my boyfriend last year in August because he tried to break my virginity six times but he failed. He started ignoring me and later on he told me that his first girlfriend is still in love with him and he’s better off without me but the problem now is I still love him, I can’t get him off my mind. — Please help.

Reply
That’s the sad and unfair thing about life, isn’t it? That we love the ones who don’t love us and those that don’t love us love the ones that don’t love them. My dear as much as you love him you have to stomach the fact that he does not swath a fly for you.

Just move on with your life and get another boyfriend and you will be alright. This more than one year fixation with a man who does not love you is not normal and healthy at all. It scares me, obsession is not a good thing, and some scientists even believe that it’s a disease. Just take a break and go to a place far from your ex. This will help you to forget him.

Hi Sis Noe
I am 30 with no kids. Will I have problems when I give birth to my first child at my age? — Worried.

Reply
Planning to have a baby is one of the most important decisions of your life. Unfortunately these days that is a decision which keeps getting postponed ever so often that eventually you realise that you are 30 and now time is running out. It is true that the risks of having a baby after 30 tend to multiply. A woman starts producing eggs at 12 and usually stops at 45 and the quality of the eggs deteriorate with each passing year.

Also the risk of miscarriage increases with each passing year and especially if you are 30 and over.  But, do not worry, you are not over the hill yet, at 30 you have every chance of delivering a healthy baby as chances of not are one to a thousand.

Bishop Daniel Obinim

POPULAR Ghanaian pastor, Bishop Daniel Obinim, has stirred up yet another controversy with one of his usual unorthodox practices at his church where two congregants have been subjected to whipping for fornication.

The apparently furious Obinim did not understand why a young boy, whose father had died, was still in school and being looked after by his mother, would have sex with an equally young girl who is learning a vocation. The two, who confessed their ‘‘sins’’ to Obinim when they were called before the entire congregation of the International God’s Way Church in Kumasi recently, were subjected to beating by the pastor with a men’s waist leather belt to the delight of the members of the church.

In a 2,59-minute video of the incident which has gone viral on social media, the pastor resolved to punish in a manner many have described as assault and against the human rights of the two.

How it unfolded the video, which was recorded by someone from the pastor’s television channel, Obinim TV, started with one of Obinim’s right-hand men dragging the young girl who was wearing a white straight dress to the podium.

The young man was already seated on the stairs to the podium wearing a white trousers with no shirt on.

The girl was then made to sit beside the boy as Obinim started whipping her while asking her “Are you foolish . . . You’re now learning a trade, you’re not even three months in that. Are you foolish . . . Are you foolish.” As the girl consistently used her hands to block the strokes from the waist leather belt, Obinim paused and said “I will use the hook to hit you,” and then gave her some few strokes before moving on to the guy.

“Are you foolish, hasn’t she (the girl) told you she is pregnant for you?” Obinim asked the guy who responded in the affirmative saying “she told me”. “Do you have money, do you have money to take care of the pregnancy?” Obinim asked him, and he responded “No, please”. Obinim further asked: “A schoolboy like you, so does your mum have money to even look after you let alone the girl you have impregnated? Why are you so foolish like that?”

While asking them if they were foolish, Obinim continued to whip them with the belt as the ‘‘victims’’ tried to block each stroke of the belt with their hands. At a point the girl who could not endure the pain from the obvious assault in the name of having committed an ‘‘ungodly’’ act, ran to Florence Obinim, wife of the pastor, who was sitting comfortably in a sofa on the altar.

“If she comes there, slap her so that she returns,” Obinim told his wife as the girl ran to her to seek refuge. But one of Obinim’s abled lieutenants grabbed the girl back to the edge of the podium. The man held the girl with her back to the pastor as he continuously landed some strokes on the young girl, repeatedly asking her “why are you foolish like that?” with each stroke of the belt.

The girl managed to free herself from the man’s grip and again ran to sit beside Florence Obinim in the sofa, while Obinim turned to the boy. He beat him while asking “will you get money to look after her after delivery?” The boy’s plea for forgiveness was not enough for the aggressive pastor, as he continued to whip him saying “you are a bad boy.”

“I should forgive you? When you were having sex with her, you thought angel Obinim didn’t see you? If he didn’t, he will catch you in this room. It did not end there, Obinim handed the belt to one of his right-hand men and asked him to beat the young boy and instructed another to also “remove your belt and beat” the girl.

Obinim then asked his wife to move away from the girl in the sofa in order for the man to beat her, shouting “Florence! move away!”. His wife also obliged and got up from the sofa beaming with smiles. — 3news.com/Ghana

Samantha Tshuma

Peter Matika, Senior Life Reporter
FOR 10-year-old Samantha Tshuma, pageantry was just a hobby, a hobby which turned into a passion, a passion that ultimately turned into a dream, and a dream that turned into reality and opened many doors for her . . . Today at the age of 26 and a mother to a beautiful little girl — April, Samantha is still conquering the world of pageantry, if her latest feat and participation in the 4th edition of the Miss Multiverse competition, held in Punta Cana in the Dominican Republic is worth mentioning.

Being the first Zimbabwean in history to ever take part in an event of such a nature and managed to scoop the business challenge of the competition, where she was christened Miss Multiverse Business, before bowing out of the finale, Samantha is in a league of her own.

Samantha (ST) spoke to Sunday Life’s senior reporter Peter Matika (PM) about her experience, where she highly noted that she was grateful to her sponsors and those that have always believed in her.

PM: How was your experience in the Dominican Republic?

ST: It was amazing. I am grateful to those that stood by me. As you know last year the event had to be postponed owing much to unforeseen circumstances. Most of my sponsors pulled out, as they didn’t have faith in the event but those that stood by me made a dream turn into reality.

PM: It must have been an experience of a lifetime, but we are disappointed that you didn’t tell us that you were going to participate in the event. So what’s Miss Multiverse all about?

ST: Miss Multiverse is a TV reality show that focuses on nurturing and exposing talent in ladies. There are different activities that range from physical to IQ (Intelligence quotient). The experience was just amazing; we took part in various sporting events, IQ tests and musicals to mention a few, before we were judged.

The pageant has three elimination rounds of which I managed to make it to the second round.

PM: Being in the Dominican Republic for the first time, as a Zimbabwean representative, let alone a Bulawayo girl how did you manage to get by language wise and obviously with the other ladies?

ST: The first few days were tough, language was a huge barrier but thanks to Google and the little lessons I had I still could communicate. The Dominican Republic is a beautiful place and the hospitality was just beautiful.

PM: Take us back in time and tell us how you started or ventured into the world of pageantry?

ST: Well, I started modelling at the age of 10 but professionally I started in 2006. It’s something that I have always been passionate about and I haven’t looked back ever since. Modelling or pageantry as you would have it has opened many doors for me, I have experienced a lot of things through it, both positive and negative.

PM: Indeed it has, you are after all a former Miss Tourism Zimbabwe. You are a mother now, how do you balance motherhood and pageantry?

ST: Well, as I noted this is something that I am very passionate about. Nothing will ever stop me, I keep going because I like it and motherhood is just an added advantage. Being a mother doesn’t mean that I should stop. After all, this is what brings food to my table.

PM: For a while we really did think motherhood had taken you from pageantry, as is the norm with most models if not all from Zimbabwe. What’s next for you?

ST: Like I said I’m passionate about this and I will not stop there. I just started a modelling agency and I am trying to get everyone that wants to be in the industry, regardless of their positions, that is motherhood, height and weight among many other things to be part of this exciting industry and feel comfortable and loved.

PM: That is a great initiative and indeed you have matured through the years in this industry.

ST: Also for those that are interested in taking part in the Miss Multiverse pageant they should get in touch with me.

PM: Thank you for your time and all the best.

Sandra Ndebele

Rumbidzai Mbewe, Sunday Life Correspondent
MANY of the music legends in the country have passed on, their music still lives but up to today they have not been given the much recognition that they deserve. Some of Bulawayo artistes who are legends in the making, have sat down with other artistes and resolved that it is their duty to honour late and living legends in the region of Matabeleland.

Tipped to be big like the recently held shows in South Africa by Casper Nyovest, Bulawayo artistes are hoping to fill up the White City Stadium in Pelandaba. The show will be held on 26 November this year. The organiser of the event, Nkue Nkala aka Khuliyo said they are hoping to have the stadium packed with people to celebrate the lives of music legends to come out from the region of Matabeleland.

“We hope that people will come in numbers on that day. This will also be a way of proving how popular local music is and if we have a lot of followers in the region,” he said.

Nkue said the show was an idea shared by two music legends in the making; Nkululeko Dube of Iyasa and Jeys Marabini with other artistes. He said the two artistes pushed for the idea and now their dream of celebrating fellow musicians has become a reality.

“After sitting down with these two we saw it fit to have a show that will take us down memory lane and to the current music being done by some of these legends. People like Solomon Skuza, Fanyana Dube among others have not been honoured for the work they have done yet people still get down to their music,” he said.

He said after realising that some of the musicians who have retired do not have anything to take home, the shows will come in handy as they will be given a certain percentage that will help them. The money generated from the show besides helping the chosen legend, it will be used to pay artistes performing on that day.

“The percentages given to the chosen legend will be more like a retirement package from us fellow artistes even if it won’t be much, it will go a long way in filling some monetary gaps,” he said.

51 artistes from different music genres are billed to perform on that day. These include IYasa, Simunye Simunye, Clemence Magwaza, Sandra Ndebele, Zinja Ziyamluma from South Africa, Black Umfolosi, Umdumo WeSizwe, Khuliyo, Shirati among others. The show will begin at 2pm till 6am the next day.

“We are bringing in artistes from different genres so that no one is left out. We want to make sure that everyone is satisfied and gets down to their favourite music without feeling left out,” said Nkue.

He said preparations for the show are underway and are still looking for partners. Admission to the show will be $2 for adults and $1 for children.

“We are not asking people to part with too much money but just a little fee. Our aim is to have a lot of people coming in to spend the day with us and celebrating our music heroes,” he said.

@rumbie_mbewe

Nkululeko Ncube

Nkosilesisa Ncube, Sunday Life Reporter
“Judge not that thou may not be judged” is a favourite for majority of church goers. Indeed for most people, the church is a place of solace, where all judgments are unwelcome — for at least one day a week, people fellowship, putting all prejudices and criticism aside.

However, this was the not the case when Ara Kani head designer Nkululeko Ncube was expelled from his church (which he chose not to name and shame) for “being a celebrity”.

Offended by the church’s double standards, the young designer who goes by UNcube Othungayo on Twitter took to the social networking site to narrate his ordeal to his 3 400 followers.

“These churches are not much nowadays. I remember how I was kicked out of church,” read the first of many tweets by Ncube chronicling his fall from grace.

He went on to state how and why he was given an unholy excommunication. He tweeted, “I was part of the youth group at my church so we had some choir session going on the same day I had a fashion show. So I went to the fashion show instead of the choir session; church was going to be there the next day and the show was not.”

However his decision invoked divine wrath with his church elders and not very long after, Ncube was summoned by his pastor and another church delegate where he was supposed to be disciplined. According to Ncube, one of his pastors was prepared to be violent with him for his “transgression”.

“The next weekend the pastor and one of the brothers really wanted to give me a hiding. Me! A fully bearded man getting a hiding from the pastor!

The Pastor said “You have to thank God His grace is upon me or else I would be spanking you right now,” read Ncube’s Twitter thread.

After the hearing, during which Ncube tried to explain his situation, he was told that celebrities were not welcome at that particular church and in Ncube’s words, “I explained but he told me they didn’t want ‘celebrities’ at church so I should leave. I have not set foot in any church since.”

It seems the church elders skipped the “Let he without sin cast the first stone” lesson and judging from the tone in Ncube’s posts, there is still no love lost between Ncube and his former congregation.

The designer’s followers were sympathetic, sharing his sentiments that the church had gone too far and had no business giving him the boot.

Just last week Sunday Life carried an article of a Ghanaian pastor who whipped congregants for fornication. Such drastic measures from men of the cloth have been the cause for debate over how involved or how much control the church should have on an individual’s personal life.

@nkocykay

THE South African celebrity dancer, choreographer and Idols SA judge was allegedly awarded a half-a-million pula deal to direct the country’s golden jubilee celebrations to be held next month in the capital, Gaborone.

The country had budgeted 100 million pula (about R130 million) for the celebrations, appointing a committee with the name Botswana50 (Bot50). The committee has recently been accused of corruption and favouritism in the award of tenders for events linked to the celebrations.

The country’s anti-corruption unit, the Directorate on Corruption and Economic Crime (DCEC), has now been roped in to investigate the tenders.

But the latest scandal to rock the country would be Somgaga’s P500 000 gig for the two-day event.

This is not the first time Mhlongo has been booked to choreograph a major event in Botswana. He was also brought in to facilitate the opening ceremony of the Africa Youth Games in May 2014.

Sowetan can confirm that Mhlongo was not contracted by Bot50 but rather by Red Pepper PR and Consultancy agency, which won the P14-million tender to procure the dance and theatre productions for the celebrations.

Batswana dancers and choreographers complained they were being sidelined.

“I don’t doubt Somizi’s capabilities and talent, but when we’re told this is time to celebrate us, as Batswana, then why hire a South African for the job? We can do it too,” commented one of Botswana’s top choreographers, who refused to be named.

Another protested: “Bot50 promised they would hire only locals, why were we overlooked this time around?”

“Could a Motswana have been paid that much for the same job? That is my question,” said another local.

Efforts to reach Mhlongo were unsuccessful at the time of going to press, but his Instagram profile shows that he is excited about the event.

He posted: “. . . this brings so much joy to my soul. Spreading and sharing my talent with the continent. Botswana has talent. Day 1 dance workshop for #bot50.”

The Bot50 committee held a Press briefing on Thursday in Gaborone. Fielding questions from the media about Mhlongo’s appointment, Bot50 co-ordinator Charity Kgotlafela was quoted as saying they had nothing to do with Mhlongo’s appointment.

She said all Bot50 tenders were awarded to local companies just as they had promised from the outset.

However, she said Bot50 did not have control over who these companies engaged, just as long as they got the job done.

Efforts to reach Red Pepper PR and Consultancy agency failed. — Sowetan

Yoliswa Dube

RUSTIC, calm, elegant or harsh — exposed brick can have multiple faces, depending on what colour you have it and how you decorate around it. When done properly, brick walls can be a tremendous statement of style, but they have certain shortcomings that you should be aware of before you get down to hammering off the plaster.

The aesthetic qualities of bricks are beyond discussion. Of course, some may find it gloomy and shabby, but generally speaking, well maintained brick walls can greatly enhance the ambiance of any interior and accentuate its dominant style.

Bricks can make the room feel cosy and restful or quite the contrary; emphasise the harshness of industrial arrangements. It can add warmth and rustic charm or make the room look cold and ascetic.

Older homes typically have brick underneath the plaster walls, and if you believe the brick is still in good condition, you might want to restore it. Before you do that however, make sure you know the pros and cons. Much as they are a really fabulous feature in interior design, exposed brick walls can be a nuisance if the project is not executed with care, or the building has not been properly maintained.

One of the greatest problems with exposed brick in external walls is temperature and moisture control. In the scorching summer, they will transfer heat, and in harsh winters, they may impair heating efficiency. Also, water absorbed through cracks in the bricks may lead to mould issues.

And even if the wall is not external, or it is external but well insulated from the outside, there’s still a problem of brick dust and crumbly mortar that you have to deal with. Old brickwork might need to be repointed and should always be treated with a sealant if you want to restore it back to its former beauty and prevent it from causing health issues or adding to your housekeeping chores.

A good solution to eliminate the problem of brick dust is to paint the wall. White and light gray seem to be the most popular choices and have the added benefit of making the interior seem bigger. Dark red brick is most dramatic and creates a unique ambiance, but it tends to make a room feel cramped, which adds to the list of disadvantages.

If you love the look of exposed brick but don’t want to get involved in major demolition projects, there are still some options to go for. One solution is to use thin brick veneer or tiles imitating brick, but this involves certain “heavy” works, too. If you’re on a tight budget, faux brick wallpaper will do, and believe it or not, they are so realistic today that people will hardly tell the difference unless they come really close to the wall.

People’s creativity knows no limits and if you scour the web, you’ll find really ingenious ways to get your dream exposed brick wall (or at least one close to your dreams) done with pretty simple means. — decorlove.com

Hi Sis Noe

I CHEATED on my husband a month ago and now he is treating me like a dog. He no longer listens to me and comes home late. We used to have crazy sex every day, now he does not even look at me even when I am naked. When I am sick he does not take care of me like he used to. — Worried.

Reply

Insist on a sit-down talk and beg your man to be frank with you. Do you and he actually have a future or are you both guilty of wasting each other’s time? If he admits he feels your marriage has run out of steam, then he has to be clear whether he wants out or wants to revive it. Tell him you are prepared to work as hard as it takes to make things good again, but you cannot turn back the clock or undo the stupid things you did that you now deeply regret. Also, ask yourself why you felt tempted to cheat in the first place. His behaviour shows that he has not dealt with your cheating the right way. You both need some counselling. Go to your general practitioner, he or she will recommend a counsellor who can help save your marriage.

Hi Sis Noe

My wife found out that I cheated on her and she divorced me and got the house. The woman I was cheating with dumped me and told me she does not want a serious relationship. I am now a lodger and from the day she left me I have been begging her to forgive me and take me back. Things have been bad for me but she does not care. How can she be so cruel? — Worried.

Reply

You can’t blame your wife for this mess. She did not push you into the arms of your ex-lover. If your marriage was not a happy one, you should have spoken to your wife before you cheated on her. I understand her decision to divorce you and if she really is not willing to give you a second chance, you will have to accept it. After all she went through the divorce — that to me is a sign that she is done with you. You need to pick yourself up. You have made some big mistakes, but life goes on and you won’t feel this low for ever. It’s vital that you learn from this and vow to treat future partners with consideration and due respect.

Hi Sis Noe

Our daughter has trouble sleeping since she was born. She is now six years old but still sleeps in our bed. I am now sexually frustrated because my wife and I rarely have sex because of her. During the day I will be at work so we only have sex at stolen moments. What can I do? — Starving.

Reply

Surely the important matter here is to get your daughter the professional support she needs for a decent night’s sleep. It is vital that you all visit your doctor together and explain how intolerable this situation has become. Find out what help is available for her. You also need to be mindful of the possibility that your wife has lost her sexual confidence and could be hiding behind your daughter’s condition. Reassure her of your love and commitment, and suggest going back to basics with romantic dates. Your relationship has to be nurtured and cherished, too.

Hi Sis Noe

My friends don’t like my boyfriend but I love him because he is unpredictable and exciting. He makes me happy but they say he is rude. What should I do? — Worried.

Reply

If your unconventional boyfriend has been disrespectful towards your friends, why should they like him? You are free to love anyone you like, but you can’t expect everyone else to fall in line if your boyfriend is being obnoxious. I suggest you vow to take one day at a time and simply see how this relationship pans out. What you don’t want to do is let your pride get in the way or fall out with everyone who cares for you. This man may be dangerous and exciting now, but there may be another side to him.

Hi Sis Noe

My girlfriend does not want me to see her completely naked and when we are having sex she does not remove her top. This is frustrating me. What is she hiding? — Worried.

Reply

It’s imperative that you talk to your girlfriend. Be careful not to criticise or accuse her of anything, but gently ask if she is embarrassed about her body or has suffered any unpleasant sexual experiences in the past. It could be that she has mental or even physical scars. Make it clear that you like her enormously and you need to know where the problems lie so that you can empathise and, hopefully, help. Sadly, if she is really not interested in opening up, you have to decide whether you are willing to give her more time. You need to consider your own sexual satisfaction and level of commitment in this relationship, too.

Hi Sis Noe

During sex I don’t get wet enough and my boyfriend and I end up bruised on our sexual organs. I have also never experienced an orgasm. — Worried.

Reply

Your dry vagina can be caused by not being aroused enough before sex or not wanting sex at all. Your man might be penetrating you before you are ready or maybe you are stressed. Maybe you are taking certain birth control contraceptives that cause dryness such as the Pill and Depo-Provera. Having an infection can also cause this. You could visit a doctor to find out what is wrong with you. In the meantime you can use lubrication to make yourself wet so that you avoid the painful sex you are having. As for the orgasm, every woman’s experience of an orgasm is different. While some women experience powerful orgasms that feel like clear events, other women experience orgasms that are quite mild. Nearly all women appear to be capable of experiencing an orgasm, but it can take some time, practice and exploration — alone and/or with a partner — to develop some ease with orgasm.

Hi Sis Noe

Is it safe to have sex when pregnant? I am a woman aged 20 and I am pregnant. — Curious.

Reply

It is very safe to have sex when you are pregnant. But I am not surprised that you think your partner is going to harm the baby by thrusting into you. In fact, you might find out that your sex drive is higher than ever at this time (I hope I am right).

Reassure him that the baby is protected and you could try some gentle positions that don’t seem dangerous. In your second trimester you should have a good sense of wellbeing and be blooming, and you will know that your baby has made it through the stage where the risk of miscarriage is highest. As your belly expands though, you might both need to get more creative with your positions. Sex can even help reduce pressure on your lower back and plenty of women say pregnancy improves their sex life! There are exceptions, of course, and it’s always worth checking out with your doctor. For instance if you know you have a risk of bleeding, you have a history of miscarriage, are expecting more than one baby or you feel pain while urinating.

Don’t be surprised if you feel that you prefer to be intimate without having sexual intercourse. Many women become more interested in sensual arousal and want to enjoy touch and foreplay, and it’s also normal to feel uncomfortable about having sex when you are pregnant. People are not the same — we are different.